"What Could Have Been" (WCHB) went into a bar. He took the one empty bar stool, ordered a drink and while waiting, he struck a conversation with the one next to his right, "What Will Be, Will Be" (W.WBx2).
WCHB: "Been here long, it seems?"
W.WBx2: "Just my second drink, been nursing it slowly. What brought you in?"
W.WBx2: "Been feeling like Marlon Brando lately, everyday. Double scotch, or two or three makes the day and night easy. What about you?"
W.WBx2: "Marlon Brando, whaaat?" (elongating the word, in obvious bewilderment)
WCHB: "You know, the movie 'On The Waterfront' where Brando famously bemoaned: 'I could have been a contender!' He won his first Oscar in that movie in 1954".
W.WBx2: "Not a big fan of movies but I know Brando. But what has that quotation got to do with you? Me, I drink each night to prepare myself the next day for what will be, will be".
WCHB: Ah, you see that makes you Doris Day. From "The Man Who Knew Too Much"
Within one and a half seconds, W.WBx2 got off from his stool, and blind sided WCHB with a savage right hook to the jaw. WCHB was flat on the floor for a bit before the bartender broke through the crowd to break up what could have been a melee of some sort.
That evening the policeman who processed the assault charge and wrote up the report was having dinner with his wife. Over dessert, he told her about the incident and the report he wrote. He said, "I filed the report but here, read this alternate one I wrote for my eyes and yours only".
His wife read the exact ones that were italicized above. "Wow, you are one frustrated script writer, aren't you? I know you are a psychoanalyst too, that's in quotation marks by the way, just so you know. So .. oh, the night is young. The dishes can wait. Tell me what's behind all these. Tell me more. Help yourself to another scoop of ice cream while I brew some tea.
Over a steaming cup of tea and the scoop of ice cream now a mere memory on the saucer nearby, the policeman begun.
"WCHB is someone who is stuck with a life he keeps rehashing with myriad scenarios of what could have been. I spoke with him as he was treated on a stretcher at the EMT truck. He explained that all he did was spoke about his life. "What could have been if only this or that happened", he said. W.WBx2 claimed it an insult that WCHB called him "a Doris Day and the man who knew too much". Clearly it was all a misunderstanding.
His wife said, "That's it? You have no psychoanalytical gems you want to share?"
"W.WBx2 could have shown some restraint, you see. But, talking with him at the precinct while I booked him for assault, he was nonchalant about it. He claimed that what happened occurred because it was to be."
"I have to ask", his wife had to ask. "What did he mean by it?"
"I will have to guess what he meant. Unlike WCB who seems to live a life weighted down by the past or endless what-could-have-been scenarios, "W.WBx2 lives by a probabilistic future of what-will-be will-be. Or, put another way, I think he merely believes in future agnosticism."
"Wow!", his wife, seemingly feigning adoration, responded quickly.
"You're making fun of me. Let me explain as I usually do when dealing with ordinary mortals. Before you get smart alecky with me, you know you're a goddess to me, but try to be an ordinary mortal for a minute" his quick recovery was smart and effective because his wife smiled approvingly.
"Wait, explain Doris Day first". Again, his wife had to ask.
"Doris Day starred with Jim Stewart in what was a suspense spy movie, "The Man Who Knew Too Much" made in 1956. It was in that movie that she sung the song about the future to her son. The song was "Que Sera, Sera".
His wife was squinting that familiar squint of, "I don't know what you're talking about".
"Ser is a verb for "to be" in Spanish. Conjugated to future tense, it is sera for will be. Que sera, sera is what will be, will be".
"I see. Go on".
"I looked this up on an English grammar reference website", the policeman admitted.
"What could have been is a standard phrase in references to things that do not actually exist, but which seemed possible at one time in the past"
"WCHB was apparently projecting everything from the past. He is prone to daydreaming in reverse".
"Wow, wow again". This time his wife's adoring smile was genuine. "I adore you for coming up with that phrase, "daydreaming in reverse". What about W.WBx2"?
"W.WBx2 clearly does not care much about knowing the future because to him what happens will happen. He claimed that his present moments were all predicated from before they happened by a series of "what will be-s" that he had little control over and until they happened, everything was just simply a probability".
"So W.WBx2 not only doesn't care to know about the future, he really does not care what happens at all, does he?" his wife asked.
"Perhaps, but not really. He has a job and a family so he must care about the future. I think it's just the alcohol that is doing it for him. And the right trigger mechanism of some sort that sets him off".
"I think WCHB has real problems. You made fun of daydreaming in reverse but it is real for some people. We reminisce about the past, the wonderful moments or the no-so-happy ones and sometimes the sad ones too. We daydream only about tomorrow. We all have 'What could have been-s' but they serve very little purpose". The policeman was done with his tea and was going to call it a night but his wife wouldn't let him yet.
"Were you serious when you said I am a goddess to you"?
"Yes".
"Can a goddess have wishes?"
"My goddess' wishes are my commands".
"Will you clear the dishes from the table? Wash them or get them into the dishwasher before going upstairs? Please, please"? She had that smile that captivated him seven years ago and can still hold him hostage even now.
The policeman's reply - well tested through time - is the surest thing to eternal peace and tranquility in any household throughout human history.
"Yes dear!"
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