Through a rare cosmic oddity, unfathomably irregular if not weirdly improbable, an angel and a devil were sitting at a table having drinks. The devil had one unimaginably strong cocktail while the angel settled for a tall glass of cold lemonade. The devil (D) looked haggard but still menacing while the angel (A) looked calm but uncomfortably intent. They started talking with each other.
D: What a day I'm having. I needed this drink.
A: Don't tell me. The furnace at the head office broke down?
D: Don't you dare tell a "Hell freezes over joke".
A: Sorry, what's the problem?
D: My boss has been on my case two days in a row now. Says I'm not meeting my quota on recruiting sinners. And he's criticizing my technique on how I dangle temptations.
A: Too bad. Where has he been sending you? Any one particular place I should know about?
D: The worst place I was ever assigned to cover. Tibet!
A: What? What's wrong with Tibet?
D: Those Tibetan monks won't hear or listen to anything once they get on that trance-like mode of meditation foolishness. You know. They'd get into the meditation thing and no one can get through to them. What happened to me was like sending a do-gooder like you to Las Vegas.
A: Oh, I've been sent there. Yes, right smack at the casinos. Did you know that on a per capita basis, you will hear more prayers there than in any cathedral? Or at the Vatican for that matter. I was sent there as a neophyte early in my career. I once answered some desperate young man's prayer. I tweaked the slot machine he was on which won him a $3,000 windfall.
D: Good for you. I didn't mean good. How devilish of you to do that.
A: Sadly, he lost everything before midnight. Including his tuition money for U.C. Berkeley. You see, he was just passing through on his way to college. That was a tough one. I think one of you guys took over but I didn't keep track. I was told later in my assessment report that that was a rookie mistake I made. I moved on. It was almost as bad as my assignment to Congress. My other co-workers had the same experiences with all seats of government everywhere else.
D: I'm sure we hooked your Las Vegas kid. Especially if he was going to Berkely. Ah, Congress!. Did you know that's where we send all our neophytes? They go in as lobbyists. Then they think the devil's work is easy. Hah! Wait, till they get sent to Tibet.
A: Forget Tibet already. Be thankful your boss is not sending you to Antarctica?
D: What? There's nothing there but penguins and smelly sea lions. Though I did enjoy once watching those killer whales tormenting those seals. Penguins too. But it was like munching on peanuts with those penguins. I'm still talking about killer whales. You know, eating penguins.
A: I got it. You don't have to explain.
D: So, what's your problem?
A: I didn't like my last assignment.
D: Las Vegas?
A: No. Los Angeles. You know, I thought I was sent on vacation. Los Angeles - city of angels sounded .. well, angelic, you know what I mean. I thought I'd make a difference in Hollywood. Nope.
D: Hollywood. Do you know what we call that place? The devil's playground. Hollywood is our R & R location. You know, Rest and Recreation.
A: You don't have to explain that to me either. I got you.
D: No, you don't. You think it's easy to be a devil or even just a devil's advocate. People are mean. When they do something wrong, their first instinct is to say, 'the devil made me do it'. When something beneficial happens, 'a guardian angel saved that kid'. And they'd come up with expressions like, 'between the devil and the deep blue sea'. What does that mean? You've not asked me, "How do I sleep at night?"
A: How do you sleep at night?"
D: I don't. We all don't. Even associate devils don't. Our boss certainly doesn't.
A: Is that hard for you?
D: Not sleeping? Nah. What's hard is when we're not appreciated.
A: You expect to be appreciated?
D: Yeah, people are so ungrateful. You give them everything they ask for and there's not even a thank you. Serial killers are the worst. They're never satisfied. They keep doing it until they get caught.
A: Listen, I can't say it's good talking with you. You know what I mean. I need to write a report and wait for my next assignment.
The two parted ways. No handshakes; no "have a nice day"; no, see you next time either.
The devil reported for work the next day. The boss wasn't around but the assistant boss was there who called him in before he could even settle in his chair.
"I heard you were talking with an angel. What did it have to say?"
"Wow, word spreads quickly, doesn't it? Why did you say, "it"?
"They are genderless, you know that, don't you? So are we all. Only humans have genders. And boy, don't they have more than two now. And they keep adding to it. Our boss is happy. Anyway, it's a small victory we don't celebrate over".
"Is that a win for us"?
"What do you think"? Don't worry about it. The boss is sending you to your next assignment".
"Los Angeles"?
"No. By the way, we're done with Ivy League schools - in the U.S. and Europe as well. Our boss is happy with our progress there. We're sending you to the annual Competition for the Soul of Men. It's the Olympics for who can get the most number of sinners in the span of seven months. Or conversions, if you're working for the other side. This is one chance for you to excel. A promotion is at stake here".
"What? Where, when"?
"You're leaving today. But not before you've assembled your team of ten associates".
"Associates? To do what"?
"You'll know what to do before you leave. Motivate yourself, for dear Satan's sake".
The angel who had met with the devil for drinks earlier was also summoned to report for the next assignment. The regional director spoke.
"You and a team of ten new angels will be part of the Competition for the Soul of Men. Your team individually will be sent to ten high schools in different parts of the world. There each one of your team will be competing with a corresponding devil competitor. The idea is to win over as many young kids as possible to our side. The devil competitors will do their best to tempt as many as they can. Whoever can bring the most to one side or the other wins. You will all have seven months each to accomplish the task".
"Soul of Men? Those are young children!. And why only the male"?
"It's a figure of speech. It's for all of humanity. The future of humanity. Those children will soon become adults. We start early because by the time they get to college or the labor force or the military, it will be too late. Satan protested that part of the rules but he was overruled. But truth be known, Satan always start with young minds. He simply doesn't do it the same way each time".
"Okay, I'll start right away".
"Choose wisely. The specific schools and locations will be in the packet of information you will be receiving this afternoon. Satan has an unlimited advertising budget. You will not have any at all. Except for the fact that - you already know this - you have one advantage. You know that every human has both good and evil receptors in their minds. The one advantage you have is that there are twelve receptors for evil for each individual mind but there are thirteen for good. So, use that advantage".
The angel went to work.
That was a few days ago now. It's an uphill battle for them. Actually, this has been going on throughout history. These skirmishes are only a preview of what could become the final competition. But we can't know when that will be.
We see everyday signs of these skirmishes. Every day we - all of us - are asked to take sides. Choose wisely.
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