This Is Your Brain Speaking

You just woke up from your regular afternoon nap.  It was another long one.  Gone were the days of the fifteen minute power naps.  You used to be proud of it during the first few months of retirement five years ago. You were proud that you could snap out of them like clockwork.  You often told friends and anyone who would listen that you were still that disciplined even at retirement. Now, you don't even remember the last time you've kept to it and be out of your favorite recliner, refreshed and ready for the rest of the afternoon.

During the last few weeks now, you lingered, almost unwilling to leave the contoured comfort of the  soft leather cocoon.  It was another one hour nap, perhaps even a bit more. Then suddenly, you heard a voice, "Hi, this is your brain speaking".

"What", you replied. "Oh, wait, let me do this first".  You reached for the portable digital recorder that was on a small side table. You turned on the little machine. This is something you do now instead of writing things down every time you wanted to remember anything for later. You simply dictate it to the electronic multi-megabyte electronic wonder. More convenient than looking for pieces of paper and a pen or pencil. "Go ahead", you said.

"Hi again! This is your brain speaking. I've been meaning to do this for sometime now. Pardon me for using the first person pronoun.  As you well know I am only five per cent of your body weight so I do not represent the entire physical you, but it is convenient that I speak in the first person.  I hope you don't mind.

Let me begin.  A mere 3-1/2 pounds of tissue but I consume 25 % of the total energy your body's metabolism produces. In return I do a lot of stuff for you and much of it I do without you even knowing or being aware of it. The thing about it is that you don't care.  Really, you don't.  But now you must. Consider this a wake up call.

"Hey, what is this?"  "What...", you begun to protest upon realizing  the utter intrusion but the voice ignored and interrupted you instead and resumed its cadenced elocution. The voice continues.

"I'm a powerful tool and I am here only to serve you and no one else. However, I am not that all empowering physically because I am just a clump of delicate tissue of neurons and synapses. Powerful as I am in one sense, I am vulnerable and defenseless in another, if not for the hard bony cranium to protect me. And to function properly I must also fully rely on so many different sensors from the various parts and locations of your body.  Otherwise, I cannot have information to process and I cannot send out signals for all the necessary actions needed for your health and well being. So, you see, I am totally helpless if not for your eyes to see, your ears to hear, your nose to smell, your skin to feel and for all the network of nerves that transmit the information to and from surrounding internal tissues, organs and joints. Otherwise, I cannot process pain and injury from a sprained ankle, elbow or neck and all the many joints that connect the bones.  Yet, you are what you are because of me. 

You want to know something really incredible?  Your computer is fast, you think.  You believe it is, actually, right? You recall touching a very hot skillet while cooking - remember?  You know how fast the hot sensation was relayed from your finger tip to me and how rapidly I sent out the signal to move the muscles on your bicep and down to your arm then to your hand? If I were any slower by a few milliseconds, you would have made an untimely trip to the ER. No, you didn't. And you remembered a first aid tip to run your finger under cold running water  and a smear of petroleum jelly afterwards. You finished your cooking and enjoyed the meal. Don't forget the sense of touch that allowed you to deftly pick up a pinch of salt, smell the aroma of the other spices, the sight of the marbled meat and texture of the veggies, and consistency of the sauce that made it all possible for you to savor the dish.  It was all me that processed all that.

No more bragging from me after these last few items and then on to the real business at hand, or why I am speaking to you now. You don't remember learning to walk, let alone remember every instinct that allowed you to survive from the moments you were in your mother's womb, to crying at the first gulp of outside air for the first time after you came out, the sense of hunger every two hours, or actually recognizing the now familiar voice that gave you comfort and warmth the first nine months of your natal life, the involuntary muscles that make your heart beat and lungs to do their job. They take orders from me.  You're not even aware of them, are you? So much more to cover but I will now focus on this talk.

First the good news.  For a 67 year old, now retired five years, you are in fairly good physical shape, slightly overweight by about eight pounds, no cataract issues (yet), nor any hint of glaucoma.  Daily small dosage for blood pressure maintenance, 10 milligrams for cholesterol and one baby aspirin a day are way below the average medication most people your age take.  Resting heart rate is okay at 70 and 17 breaths per minute while asleep is not bad at all. So, physically you're fine. For your age anyway. And that is what we need to talk about.

You've been worrying lately about forgetting stuff.  One more good news is that you don't have dementia and you are not about to have early Alzheimer either. Trust me, I would know.  So, what is the problem?

I will back up for a bit. You and your wife had been to almost all the places in your bucket list. Yes, those trips and cruises cost a lot but your bottom line today is still way, way below where you are financially at this point in your life. Both you and your wife led a fiscally responsible retirement life. You continued with your favorite hobby of restoring antique clocks and old vacuum tube radios. I ask you now.  What happened?

Your wife had become quite a gardener. She just recently took up water color painting and sketching with charcoal. You both share the same circle of friends. Her outlook in life remained steadfastly ebullient.  Friends would describe you two as the most animated couple. Now all they see is half the optimism and vigor.

I am your brain. Always at your service and not only do I want to keep doing it I want to keep learning more. Yes, the cavern that I am, housing an endless rows and rows of filing cabinets, still has many more to fill. Yes, the enormity of the files seem overwhelming but you should not equate the physical strain of walking from place to place with how you access your mental files.  They are not like searching the entire mall to find something or roaming a twenty acre outdoor flea market to find that elusive 1930's era gramophone. My files, still organized the same way from the beginning, are only synapses away.  Neuro-plasticity - that's what that one presentation by a neurologist you listened to at one time said, as I recall -  is real.  Read up on that subject again.  I too want to know more.

Get up and go out there. There are two clocks that are just a few parts away from ticking again at one second per second and a radio that took months for you to put back together with vacuum tubes waiting to light aglow with amber and deep red but you lost interest a while back to finish up the soldering chore that you used to love doing. Quit  moping and worrying over moments when you forgot to remember things.  So what when you can't recall the actor's name from an old movie and stop blaming yourself or telling yourself, 'I should remember this or that'.  Often, if you noticed, most of what you don't recall are really not that important. You remember what happened twenty years ago and not what you ate last weekend. That is  because you marked one as really important on the file heading while the other one a trivial footnote.

Here's how you put the spark back and snap out of the self induced boredom or feeling depressed about forgetfulness or the physical limits of a 67 year old body and stop longing for  what you used to be able to bench press when you were 21.  That basketball layup you used to do effortlessly or the speed at which you threw the baseball to first base from third while in high school are all gone now.  Those you can accept. 

What is not acceptable is admitting you can't learn anything new anymore. You've been doing old clocks for years now but have you ever wondered about the nature of time? I want to know about it. But I can't go to the library or tap my way on your lap top to search YouTube all the lectures and TED talks about time. I remember you did listen to some physicist's discussion about the non-universality of time and Einstein's idea about space time. I wanted to know more about that.  How about learning to the nitty gritty how radio waves and  electro- magnetism and the weak nuclear force are all related. I will open new files when you want me to.  So many things to learn. So much information is gathered and sorted everyday, re-aligned, revised and discovered about all of these.  Make them all relate to your hobbies.  That is how to put the spark back.  And remember, I never stop learning and I never erase files.  They're all there. 

"Now, wait a minute!" You snapped back at the talking brain. "Why don't you do it? Or, why don't you make me do it.  You're so good at talking.  You're my brain.  Go do it for me then".

The talking brain responded, "I am just in your dream.  All these talk are in your dream.  You want something done - wake up".

You woke up! There was your wife when you looked up.  She had a steaming cup of some hot beverage and a saucer with biscuit and a blob of brown caramelized condensed milk on the side. "Did you have a bad dream, dear? Come to the kitchen table and have a snack with me".

"No, forget the snack.  Let's have it at the Border Book Store".

"Border Book Store? There are no Border Book Stores anymore. You must be thinking Barnes & Noble".

"Yes, we'll go there. I want to find some books.  I'll go to the library tomorrow.  What I can't find there I'm sure Amazon will have it'.

"Slow down, slow down. Am I seeing the old you?  Enthusiastic, alive and well! I love it". She put down the undrunk tea and uneaten biscuits. "Let's go. By the way, that was one long nap you just took".

"Those days are over. Wait, where did I put the car keys?"