Men can say all day, "They should know better" in their most serious self deprecating way but you know better than to take that and swallow it like baby aspirin. First, I am not under duress for writing this rebuttal on behalf of the wives after the previous musing where only my men friends seem to have taken much delight from it. My wife's most gentle suggestion won me over to the side of the balance beam for a fairer take on the reality of marriage.
Rule 1. You cannot change the man from before marriage to another after taking the vow. At least not immediately. And even if you fail, take comfort in the fact that their inability to change is all attributable to thousands and thousands of years of evolution. The Neanderthal DNA is hard to shake off but nature had a reason. Your husband is hard wired to resist change because his survival from his caveman days counted on hardheadedness towards maintaining his habit to be alert, vigilant and stubborn because of the constant fear that if he changes anything he feels outside of his comfort zone. But there is hope. Notice that they never attempt to change you. They're too busy maintaining what they're used to or spend much energy trying to resist change.
Rule 2. Remember that the word ego and what it represents was started by Sigmund Freud - a man. His writings almost always referred to men as likely to be more egotistical than women. Just look around you. The statues ratio of men/women everywhere is 31/1. What does that tell you? They claim to have put you on a pedestal (at least during the early moments of the courtship dance) then they turn around and construct statues for themselves. But right there is a weakness so clear you are often blinded not to see it. You can actually turn that ego to work for you. Make him believe, and believe me he will, that all the decisions in your household were made by him without realizing that his willingness to believe that was from an illusion so well crafted by you. He would even be willing to believe that the decision to establish diplomatic relations with North Korea or get out of the Iran Nuclear Deal had his thumb marks on them. You know how to do it. I don't have to spell that for you.
Rule 3. For every action there is an opposite and equal reaction. It is a physics principle that he is not about to contradict. Wait for his action and then whip up a reaction better and bigger in scope. Wait for him to buy that tool. Your new washing machine or blender is coming up. Make sure you spend a little bit more. It will make him think twice before his next craving. But he has a poor memory so rest easy. Make him buy that boat, if you feel like splurging on something.
Rule 4. Take it with a grain of salt when he says you nag too much. Just remind him that you are that way because he is a repeat offender. If he likes baseball, let him be aware that the third time he ignored to do the chore he promised to do - invoke the "third strike, you're out" rule. Explain to him that when you recall his infraction, that little misdemeanor he loves to argue on his behalf that made you make a Federal case out of it is because committing so many of those "little misdemeanors", specially the ones that keep happening over and over at the local state or county, ultimately gets carried over to the Federal level. Yes, make him know that you have every reason to declare it a felony this time.
Rule 5. When you ask him during one of those quiet moments about what he was thinking and he says "nothing", he really means that. A man is actually capable of doing that, believe it or not. It is a blessing in a way. That is the reason he suffers less from stress than you do. He can clear his mind just like that by not thinking about anything at all. Speaking of stress, be reminded though that while he may claim not to suffer from stress he could be a carrier and you are easily susceptible to it. It is best to find out if a vaccine is available to inoculate you from "husband-borne stress". It is supposed to be real. The "husband-borne stress", I mean.
Rule 6. When he tells you that you worry too much or that you are likely to be pessimistic while he maintains optimism most of the time, say that that is because in those cave-dwelling days you were the one that worried whether her mate and his buddies will come home with meat from a successful hunt or empty handed. You were the one who worried that if the men didn't come back a saber toothed tiger may have gotten the guys instead. It was you who worried and cared for the children. You even worried why even after an unsuccessful hunt the men would still come home home jubilant and having fun recalling how so and so missed an easy target or how one of them fumbled so badly and lost an easy prey. The men were capable of that despite a bad day. Remind him that that is not optimism. Say what you really feel.
Rule 7. If he did tell you that you don't look fat in that dress or that you are as ever beautiful to him, take that with this attitude. He still loves you and he is not about to lose you on some trick question or technicality. Take that as a genuine willingness on his part to not ever be saddled by something as trivial as a dress or a few wrinkles or crow's feet around those still adoring and understanding eyes. Lastly, don't try to put him on a spot again. Well, you can do it from time to time - just to check.
There are only 7 Rules for you. Your husband, like all men, is a simple creature. Don't complicate things for him. Or make a complicated issue out of a simple one. You know better.
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