Are We Still Talking About Socialism?

Yes, we are still talking about it. Seriously sometimes or perhaps within the bounds of good humor we toss a good dollop of truth in our conversations with snippets of funny stories.

1. Just a month before Nicolas Maduro was given free passage to his current residence in New York, a reporter asked him about the status of the worldwide state of Capitalism.

Maduro responded: "You know, my dear friend and predecessor, Hugo Chavez, told me what he learned from his friend Fidel Castro who learned it from Nikita Khrushchev who in the sixties said that Capitalism was standing on the very precipice of absolute disaster"!

Another reporter then asked about the status of  Socialism in the world.

Maduro responded: "What I learned, as you should know, is that Socialism is always one step ahead of capitalism!"

If that is not the most succinct explanation of the fate of socialism we will be hard pressed to find another one.

2. And, of course, Ronald Reagan had another one of the many stories he had collected on the subject.  Here's another one.

Mikael Gorbachev was told by one of his aides that a woman outside his office refused to leave until she had an audience with the president. "Send her in", Gorbachev said. 

When the woman came in, Gorbachev said, "What's on your mind"?

"Please tell me, who invented communism - a scientist or politician"?

"A politician invented communism", Gorbachev replied.

"Well, that figures, doesn't it"?

"Oh, how so?"

"Well, a scientist would have experimented on mice first."

(I merely embellished stories 1 & 2 that had been around for a while.  I made up story no. 3 below).

3. Through another cosmic oddity, a debate was arranged somewhere. Ayn Rand was picked as the moderator. At one particular moment, already on stage were Fidel Castro, Stalin, Mao and Pol Pot waiting in front of their individual lecterns. Then Ronald Reagan appeared from behind the curtain.

Reagan:  I must apologize for being late.  It took me a while to come down the stairway.  I didn't realize how far above I was.

Ayn Rand: Thank you Ronnie, may I call you Ronnie?  Actually where we are right now is about halfway between two places.  These gentlemen had to climb up to get here.  Oh, and don't worry, we have an elevator for you, Ronnie, on the way back up.

Castro: Typical of a capitalist who is used to a life of luxury on the backs of the proletariat. Do you know how rich the capitalists have become building elevators?

Reagan:  Has the debate started already?

Ayn Rand: No, no, not yet.  Although Mr. Castro had already used up his opening remarks.

Mao:  Wait, wait, for a minute.  Let's start this properly. Comrade Stalin, do you care to comment?

Ayn Rand:  Gentlemen, gentlemen, please. Ronnie, who is by himself and there are four of you, will make the first opening remarks.

Reagan: I was expecting my friend Mikhail Gorbachev to come, where is he?

Stalin: I vetoed his presence here.  He was way too soft to be a true communist.

Reagan: Okay.  Josef Stalin. Wow! Imagine if I had to say, "Iosif Vissarionovich Dzhugashvili", your real name before you became Stalin.  Mao, we may yet know who actually tailored your own personal Mao jacket. I remember it well when its popularity surged in the late sixties, early seventies. I know the Mao attire started in the forties - mostly from coarse cotton. But by the time of the Cultural Revolution that started in 1966, fashion houses in the west started promoting them.  We knew that coarse cotton was still the go-to material for the common Chinese at that time but yours were from fine silk.  Perhaps after tonight you will tell me who your designer was? Pol Pot,  a name that used to be Saloth Sar, to be honest, why are you here, if not perhaps because of your alliterative name?

Pol Pot: Who are you calling illiterate?

Ayn Rand: Calm down Pol, may I call you Pol. Saloth is hard on my accent. Alliterative simply means that your name  involves a repetition of the same consonant sound at the beginning of closely connected words, like Big Bang or Criss-Cross, and Saloth Sar falls in that category as well, which has nothing to do with your ability to read or write. Ronnie was not being condescending.

Reagan: My apologies Pol, if you misunderstood. Although I must say that you almost drove all of Cambodia to illiteracy when you pushed every intellectual in your country to hide their literacy by pretending to be illiterate to avoid the ire of the proletariat, as our friend Fidel here alluded to.

Fidel: I need to say something. In Cuba, even today, our resourcefulness and intelligence are responsible for why the Chevrolet Bel Aire still runs on the open road in Cuba while your wasteful people only see them in museums.

Stalin: What is a Chevrolet Bel Air?

Ayn Rand:  It's an American made car way after you were gone, Josef. You are more familiar with the Pobeda model made by the now defunct Russian automaker, the Gorky Automobile Plant that was established in 1932. I used to live in the Soviet Union, as you know, so the Pobeda compared to the Chevrolet Bel Air is like comparing a toaster to a Magic Chef oven.  Anyhow, let's move on, please.  Ronnie?

Reagan: I came prepared because I knew Fidel will bring up the Chevrolet story again. So, for  Joseph Stalin's benefit, here is a photo of a 1954 Bel Air with your favorite color - red.  I do not have a photo of a Magic Chef oven but it does cook like magic compared to a toaster.

Fidel: Like I said, we still have them running in Havana today.

Reagan: Sure, and I must admire the resourcefulness of the people of Cuba.  I am just not a fan of how the government works for them. 

Mao: How should the government work, may I ask?  China today is an economic power and has military power to reckon with and run by the CCP - Chinese Communist Party.

Reagan: But do you know how modern China attained economic power?  By running its economy as a capitalist system and executing the powers of government as a Communist regime.  Fidel, if you must know, the number of Chinese billionaires is second only to those in the USA.  So, I ask you, just ninety miles across the Florida Strait is a country where Cubans live a life a thousand times better than Cubans in Cuba. Don't you want your people to live free and enjoy the blessing of capitalism?  Your neighbors in the Caribbean are enjoying a brisk tourism industry.  Your people could be driving a 21st century vehicle powered by direct fuel injection engines instead of the ones with carburetors as your Chevy Bel Air, that requires to be cleaned every so often. And have you heard of disk brakes and air conditioned cars? Josef, if you must know, cars now have navigation systems that led road maps into mass extinction.

Stalin: How do you air condition cars? And how do they deal with the Russian winter.

Reagan:  Josef, I have so much to show you after this. We'll talk.

Pol Pot: Wait, wait. Indeed, as Reagan asked, why am I here?

Ayn Rand: Pol, I too will show you how Cambodia had progressed since you were gone.  It is now one of the emerging tourist destinations in Asia. I will have you and Fidel talk to tour companies who promise to bring more people to visit your countries. 

Reagan:  Fidel, I will have you know that Cuba will become not just as a tourist destination but a manufacturing hub that will only succeed because of its proximity to the most successful capitalist nation in the world.

Ayn Rand:  You know what, why don't we go to the audio-visual room where we will show, side by side, the difference between how capitalist-run countries stack up against socialist/communist run governments and we'll let the debate continue there. I think it is best to show actual images of people living in capitalist countries and those in communist nations.  By the way, Josef, if you must know, your comrade Nikita Khrushchev was wrong when he predicted during his time:

1. Khrushchev emphasized the superiority of communism over capitalism.

2. He claimed that the inevitable triumph of communism would lead to the downfall of democratic nations.

3. The phrase "we will bury you" was meant to convey confidence in the communist ideology.  He said that at the Communist Party Congress in 1956. Just about that time the Chevy Bel Air produced an optional V-8 engine over what was then an inline six-cylinder engine. I thought I'd mention that. 

I ask you, how many nations today still identify as adhering to the communist ideology?  Think about that as we head to the other room.  Appetizers and drinks will be served and dinner will follow after the debate.

Reagan:  I have more photos to show you and Fidel.  And Fidel, those cruise ships that I hope will soon be docking at your harbors that will bring tourists willing to spend money there, are built by capitalist entrepreneurs that employ thousands upon thousands of people.  The proletariat you refer to are going to be rich proletariats if you allow American and European manufacturers to do business in Cuba. Oh, and do you know that the current American Secretary of State is of Cuban descent?  Let's talk some more, okay?