2026 Aladdin's Magic Lamp

Aladdin's magic lamp is one of the more popular stories from "Tales of the Arabian Nights". However, if one were to read the original story he or she will be surprised to know the elaborate plot was more than just about Aladdin finding the lamp, rubbing it and out came the genie that granted him three wishes. 

And, of course, all the stories we hear now are the funny ones about three wishes  allowed the finder of the lamp.

But hardly has anyone wondered why these popular stories are all about a man or young boy finding the lamp and granted three wishes and not by a young girl or woman. By the way, the original story does not impose any limits on the number of wishes. So, let's speculate on how the story would unfold if a modern woman finds the lamp.

But first this.  This has been around for quite some time now.  This one I embellished for a bit.

A political adviser to the lady senator from Hawaii found  the lamp on a  beach in  that state one day.  As he was wiping away the sand from the lamp, blue smoke came out and a genie appeared.

Genie: Sire, thank you for freeing me from a thousand years of bondage inside the lamp.  I therefore grant you whatever you wish for.

Man: I work for the lady senator from Hawaii so I express her wish.

Genie: Go ahead, Sire.

Man: She wants a bridge from Hawaii to the mainland so she can travel in her electric car.  Oh, and add to that an electric charging station every 250 miles.

Genie:  But sire, that is impossible!  Do you know the engineering challenges involved? Construction equipment that has not been invented yet will be needed and dealing with the ocean in all kinds of weather and special metallurgy for the long span of the bridge will bring the cost to stratospheric heights. Providing the charging stations with electricity every 250 miles, who knows how many will be needed,  is definitely a pie-in-the- sky ambition.  And labor and so many other factors we need to consider.  Sire, please ask me another.

Man:  Okay, okay. The woman senator I already mentioned.  I'm married to a woman.  So, here's my wish.  I want to understand what my boss thinks and why and how she comes up with her ideas.  And likewise, I too want to understand what my wife is thinking at all times and how she generally goes about her thought processes and predict every which way she changes her mind. In other words I want to understand what a woman is thinking.

The genie after a little bit of thinking, stroking his bearded chin for a bit, replied ..

Genie: Do you want that bridge to have two or four lanes?

(My sincere apologies to all the women.  But if you must know, the  idea for the punchline was the genie's all along).

Okay,  let's have a better story not once you've heard before till now.

Genie in Suburbia

A couple had just bought an old house in the suburbs.  While the husband was away at work, the stay-at-home wife went up the attic to check for more storage space. In one corner she found a dusty sack cloth. When she opened it, there was a lamp. She was wiping it off to see the intricate design that adorned the girth of the lamp's body when smoke came out and a genie appeared.

Genie: Don't be scared my lady.  I am a genie and I am  grateful for giving me back my freedom after years of imprisonment.  I grant you three wishes.

Wife: You scared me but I'm okay now.  Three wishes, huh?

Genie: Yes, my lady.

Wife: I wish my husband will do more in taking care of household chores. I want him to take the trash out without me reminding him each time. He can load the dishwasher from time to time. Perhaps help with laundry too. Oh, on the way home I wish he'd pick up some groceries along with stuff from the cleaners. And is it too much to ask that perhaps he'll do the cooking on weekends. Yard work should not take him all day, right?

Genie: Forgive me for asking, my lady. Shouldn't you wish for more money? More money than you could ever imagine?  Just think, my lady, you can hire a maid or two, a butler to maybe  do the grocery shopping and pick up the laundry too, and hire someone to do the yard work.  With money you can hire all the help you need?

Wife: And just so my husband can watch TV before dinner and watch more TV after and live sports all night?  No! He can't be doing those. And trash had to be by the curb every Tuesday and Friday morning. And on weekends, what will he do?  No, just grant me what I wish for.

Genie: It's your call my lady.

An hour later the wife was in their upstairs bedroom. She was sitting in front of a mirror. In the middle of fixing her hair and make-up she stopped to think whether she just had a daydream in the attic.  If it was real, did she make the right choice? At that precise moment she heard sounds of the  door that connected the garage to the kitchen open and shut.

Husband:  Honey, I'm home! I got the groceries and I just stopped by the dry cleaner's.  What do you feel like for dinner?

The wife looked intently at the mirror once more, then she smiled, followed by a really wide almost mischievous grin, and yelled back ..

Wife: Surprise me!

Genie in Rural America

This nineteen year-old girl lived in a sparsely populated town somewhere in rural America.  She had just slopped the pigs, collected the eggs from the hen house and was about to prepare dinner. Her mom and dad had been trying their best  to marry her off.  There were no takers from a limited number of bachelors in the small town. She's not pretty but not ugly either.  Just a simple face and a moderate stature of 5 foot 4. Not overweight, besides she does all the work that keeps her in good shape.

She went out to the back of the house to pick some leafy greens and tomatoes. She pulled out a head of lettuce when from the hollowed out soil she caught something that glistened. She pulled the whole thing out.  It was an old lamp.  She was peeling the soil crust around the lamp when smoke came out and a genie appeared.

Genie:  Thank you, thank you, my lady.  You may wish for anything and I will grant it.

Girl: You don't scare me. I've seen men dressed more weirdly than you and uglier too.  What do you want?

Genie: You don't understand.  Tell me what you want and I will grant it.

Girl: Oh yeah? Well, I want all the young single men from the whole county to want me like bees want honey.  Or, like a pack of wolves over a freshly killed deer.

Genie:  Slow down, slow down young lady.  Wouldn't you want to be the most beautiful woman in the world - to be desired by all the men from around the globe?

The genie, from out of the blue, produced a pad and pencil and with quick strokes drew something on it.

Genie: Here, my lady.  I did a hurried sketch of what you could look like, if you let me grant it.  You can look like this with all the fine clothes and jewelry you want.

The young lady took one quick look and said ..

Girl: No.  I want all the young men to like me as I am now.

Genie: But my lady, you don't even have nice clothes and make-up.  How do you expect  men to like you?

Girl:  I want them to be lining up from the fence line to our door, wanting to want me and marry me as I look now.

Genie: But, my lady..

Girl: Any self-respecting genie will grant me what I wish for.  That or you are back inside the lamp.  And I wish it so.

Poof! The blue smoke and the genie disappeared into the lamp. 

The young lady went back inside.  Her mom was sewing.  Her dad looked away from the paper he was reading.

Dad: Were you talking to somebody in the back of the house?

Girl: Yeah, some guy stopped by the back fence.

Dad:  Really? What did he want? Will he come by the front door next time?  Maybe later in the week, perhaps?

Girl: No, I don't think so.

Mom: Why dear?

Girl: Oh, he was just blowing smoke up my you-know-what.

Mom: That's not very nice to say dear.

Girl:  It's true, mother.  

Father:  That's okay, dear.  You're still young. 

The young girl proceeded to wash the veggies and started preparing dinner.

 

In the entire history of genie lore, this was the first time that a genie was rejected by the finder.  By the way, what the young lady said about "blowing smoke up my-you-know-what" actually had a life saving origin.

Historical Context:

"The expression likely dates back to the 19th century.

It refers to a method used in medicine where smoke was blown into the rectum, supposedly to revive drowning victims or treat ailments".

Later, losing its use or effectiveness perhaps because it really didn't work, the expression simply became, "It is often used in informal contexts to indicate that someone is trying to mislead or manipulate another".

I own up to writing the second and third stories to make amends for the first story about the lady senator and I hope they have more than made up for my version of the first story where I took so much liberty at embellishing it at the expense of the  senator and all the  female readers.