The Other Person's Shoes

I was driving one day on a lane that was moving particularly slow and going even slower by the second. The car I was following was behind another  car whose driver  can't seem to make up his/her mind. Suddenly the driver in front of me blew his car's horn for sustainably long seconds as the driver in front of it suddenly turned into the next corner street but obviously without turning on its signal light. The same horn blaring driver in front of me then stepped on the gas for a screeching acceleration that smoked his tires on the concrete in an apparent show of disgust and frustration.

I felt the driver's frustration at that exact moment but just as quickly  I did a momentary re-assessment. There was still another twenty minutes or so of driving so there was time to think a bit more about it.

The thoughts that came to me were about the driver who turned suddenly: (a) what if the driver was an old person (I was not able to make out if it was a man or woman or young or old) who had difficulty looking for an address or just simply confused about where he/she was going; (b) what if the person, young or old was having a bad day or struggling emotionally about something, etc.  So many reasons we couldn't possibly know from a distance.  So many circumstances we had no way of assessing without knowing the person. It is exactly - more than we realize or care to admit - how quickly we get frustrated, even ill tempered over something that when all is said and done was about one little thing.  Or, in the greater scheme of our entire life that day, it was clearly nothing.

Was the driver in front of me frustrated or angry because he was running late for something? When we come to think about it, if the driving time for the frustrated driver was a total of twenty or thirty minutes, the delay he encountered may have been a mere few seconds. In the overall scheme of timeliness, it was a mere fraction of time. Studies have shown that on city blocks of traffic, drivers who weave in and out, passing cars whenever they can, typically gets ahead by mere seconds over those driving steadily along one lane after twenty blocks, with traffic signals operating normally.

But that is not the point of this musing, of course.  It is about, "What if I were in the other person's shoes?" We are talking about the slow driver. It is easy to think of what our circumstances are, but what of the other person's?  The truth is that intersecting events we encounter, sketched through with rapid succession of mini-observances we often make conclusions over, are matters we have very little bases to make a judgment over.  But we do it anyway. 

The cashier at the grocery store who was not too friendly or unbecoming in a business that partly relies on customer relations and mainly on good service to insure repeat patronage deserves our understanding.  There are many reasons why. They become clear once we try putting on their shoes.

Let's try just this one pair.  "You are nineteen years old. You graduated from high school a year ago. You had ambitions. You did, but they are shelved for now.  Your parents divorced two years earlier. Your dad who promised to pay for part of your college tuition reneged on it.  He remarried. A younger wife with a child and a career that is not going too well are a few of the reasons your dad was not able to meet his promise. Your mom has never recovered from the divorce and much of the money she makes as a nursing aid goes to alcohol and social activities with her friends.

You left home and now share an apartment with two other friends whose luck in life is not much different from yours.  Reluctantly, you applied for this entry level job that pays  minimum wage just to get your footing on steady, albeit sometimes shaky grounds,  but you promised yourself to get a better one as time goes by.  It has been nine months now doing the checkout register. You do every overtime work whenever it's available like re-stocking merchandise or cleaning the storage rooms to increase your take home pay.

You found out this morning that your mom was laid off from work for frequent absenteeism and you know why.  She called you about a medical expense she didn't have money for. Your boss just gave you a hard time for being late this morning even though it was the first time it happened.

You went to your station immediately, skipping the company coffee and donuts at the employee lounge.  You are allowed  fifteen to twenty minutes after clocking in but you were in no mood for chit chat with co-employees".

Friends, if we could just try on her shoes and give it some brief imaginary moments to enter our thoughts, we will have found a narrow conduit to understanding some of the things we encounter that make us lose perspective as to be upset or frustrated at some of the littlest things. 

That is what compels me to greet these cashiers by their first names if they have a name tag at every grocery checkout .  As you all know, as a caregiver I do all the grocery shopping now.  So, I make it a point that these cashiers hear the sweetest sound they'd like to hear whether it is their first minute or the sixth hour on the job - the sound of their first names. It is worth every decibel to hear it come out of a stranger's mouth. 

This will not be the perfect answer to world peace.  Clearly, we can all come up with all kinds of exceptions or even excuses to not try the other person's shoes.  But is it not worth it to at least try it sometimes?  More so if the other person has no shoes and we try to walk alongside them.  It is estimated that 300 million people worldwide cannot afford to buy shoes.

Each time we are frustrated at not being able to get anything when we absolutely think we need to have it, think of the 300 million.  Just think, they'd be happy to try any one person's shoes anywhere.  So, whenever we can, as often as we can, let's try the other person's shoes.

"Always put yourself in others' shoes. If you feel that it hurts you, it probably hurts the other person too".        

--  Rachel Grady

Listen, The Animals Are Talking

Let me share a few of the transcripts of conversations I discovered recently; however,  I cannot for now disclose where or how I got them.

1. The early worm was talking to the early bird

Worm: Hey, what's this?  Let go of my waist!

Bird: I'm the early bird, I get the worm, didn't you know?

Worm: All I ever wanted was  to see the first rays of the sun as I crawl out of the ground. I'm an early worm.  

Bird: Listen, I'll be a good early bird today. Here' s the deal, I'll let you go if you tell me where the next worm is coming from.

Worm: There is a big fat one coming right out where you pulled me.  He's always late because he is that fat.

The bird let it go and went to wait for the big fat worm.

The moral of the story: The early worm too gets a reward. Provided it can talk and the bird understands it.

2. A wolf was talking to a wolf psychologist

Wolf: I'm frustrated.  I'm hungry. Prey animals see me a mile away, I can't even get close before they are alerted.  I did everything to conceal my presence.  I even wore  pig skin dyed the white color of my prey.

Wolf Psychologist: I hear this all the time.  I'm so tired of hearing the same old complaint.  I'll say it one more time. Okay?  In order to succeed in getting close to your prey, you must be a wolf in sheep's clothing, not, repeat - not a wolf in cheap clothing.

The moral of the story:  None, nada, zilch, zero

3. Cockroach talking to another cockroach

Cockroach 1: I eavesdropped on a conversation of our human hosts this morning in their kitchen.  They worry too much about existential threat this, existential threat that.  They are so paranoid about existential threats all the time.

Cockroach 2: I know what you're saying.  But you know what, I heard on  TV, just last night  that our human friends, and I use friends very loosely, spent billions  of dollars, so far, worldwide to cause our very existence to cease. I say good luck with that.

Cockroach 1: Exactly. They may actually succeed as existential threats to themselves for all we know or care but we'd still be here.  Besides, we were here first and we will still be here when all of them are gone. 

Cockroach 2: Hey, I still have a lot of their leftover crumbs they so carelessly dropped from last night by their recliner. It's a great snack.

Cockroach 1: Let me get some ketchup from the bottle cap by the trash  can.

Moral of the story: Don't ever let these bugs listen in on your conversation. And, please seal those trash cans and no eating while at the recliner watching TV.

4. A cheetah was talking to another cheetah

Cheetah 1: I'm tired and I no longer believe in this evolution through adaptation.

Cheetah 2: What do you mean?

Cheetah 1: Why do we have to keep on evolving to run faster and faster?

Cheetah 2: I see.  Let me explain. The impala and the pronghorn keep on evolving to run fast and jump higher to avoid being on our daily menu. Those who run fast go on to live and pass on their genes to their young.  Those who can't are what provide us our meal. On the other hand, the fastest of our kind gets to mate and produce the next generation, and you know what happens to those who can't catch a meal?  That's how it works. End of story.

Cheetah 1: I say we do it differently from now on. I'm tired of the same argument.  I propose we evolve into eating what our prey does.  

Cheetah 2: What do you mean?

Cheetah 1: We become vegetarians.  Yes! From now on our food stays where it is. Impalas don't have to run after grass and other vegetation.  They're just there.

Cheetah 2: You're losing it, I can tell.  You know what else you'll lose. Copious amounts of nap time. Look, it takes only a few moments of lung-bursting, heart-pounding chase that lasts  less than a minute. After each meal we sleep for however long we want.  Instead, you'd rather spend all your waking hours grazing and chewing what you ate later at night. Chewing cud, that's what they call it. You're happy doing that?

Cheetah 1: I don't know.  All I'm saying is I'm tired of going  over seventy miles an hour to get a meal.

The moral of the story: Don't switch majors on your fourth or fifth year in college from an engineering or chemistry degree to art history or cultural studies and expect to eat steak and lobster. Unless you really prefer kale and arugula. No offense to art history majors. And not that there's anything wrong with kale and arugula.

5. A Boa constrictor (big snake) and a turtle were talking 

Big snake: Don't be alarmed.  I don't eat turtles.  I can't digest your shell. Besides, I just had a baby capybara. It'll take me three to four weeks to fully digest it.

Turtle: Thanks.

Big snake: Let me ask you something. What is it that you do?  I mean, what are you really useful for? We, all snakes, keep the population of rodents in check so they don't completely deplete food supplies.  For example, we keep the rat population from exploding.  Otherwise, they'll ravage entire rice or wheat fields in short order, if left unchecked.  Capybaras, by the way, are just very large rodents, okay.

Turtle: What do you want from me?  I'm slow. I hide in my shell when trouble comes. I'm no threat to the environment. 

Big snake: Let me tell you something.  When you cross the road people stop.  They pick you up and put you across the other side out of harm's way.  Do you know that when we, I mean when my kind gets run over, there are no skid marks on the road?  In fact, instead of slowing down or braking, people speed up.  Why is that?

Turtle: Maybe you shouldn't flick your tongue too much.  And what's with the hissing and slithering? And perhaps you don't have to wait weeks to digest your food if you chew it first, instead of swallowing it whole.

At which point the Boa constricted the turtle so hard its shells flattened like a pancake.

The moral of the story: Stop talking already when you're ahead in an argument.

6. A Hyena was talking to a Baboon

Hyena: Let me tell you something.  Me and my entire family chanced upon a lone lioness with her four young cubs that I'd guess  were only a few weeks old.

Baboon: What did y'all do? (faking a Texas accent)

Hyena: We killed them all.  Ate them until not even a tail bone was left.

Baboon: I bet you were all laughing while gorging on the poor creatures.

Hyena: Are you kidding me? That's why we're called laughing hyenas, instead of our more respectable name, Crocuta Crocuta. Though not exactly as glamorous.

Baboon: Then what happened?

Hyena: We went about our merry way. But not for long.  Last week three brothers of young muscular lions and their family chanced upon us as we dozed off from a late lunch. They pounced on us and killed all of us until no one whimpered, let alone laughed.

Baboon: Wait, wait for one long minute. If they killed everyone, why are you here telling me all this?

Hyena: What do you want? A story or a debate?

Moral of the story: Learn to enjoy a story.  Don't waste time debating the plot. You're going to spoil it for everyone who loves fairy tales. Got it?

Consequently, please don't ask the idle mind how he chanced upon the transcript of the conversations above.  I can't reveal how or where I got them.  I have more, by the way. Encouragement, instead of criticisms, might make it easier to release more later.

La Vie en Rose

Europe in 1946-47 - waking up from the nightmare that was WWII,  their cities in rubble and still smoldering from the hellish aftermath of unforgettable suffering - had no choice but to harness the impossible will to survive and persevere through uncertainty, doubt and despair.

"La Vie en Rose" was a song written (lyrics) by Edith Piaf, the melody composed by Marguerite Monnot and Louis Guglielmi as an uplifting motivation for the grieving and desperate people of post war-Europe. It made Edith Piaf an international singing sensation when she sang and recorded it in 1947. It was translated into English in 1950 by Mack David. Three American singers recorded different versions including one by Bing Crosby in 1950 that reached the top of the charts in the U.S.

Literally the song is translated from French as "Life in Pink". Later, the literal translation evolved into, "Life in rosy hues",   but today we know it from its more popularly appropriate iteration, "Life seen through rose-colored glasses".

No matter what our situations are, life - our lives and the lives of others around us - can be viewed in many different shades of color. In fact, our daily experiences alone are a panoply of sights, sounds and impressions taken through numerous colored lenses.  By the time just before we drift to sleep and we care to review our experiences of the day, we find that our mental camera had taken pictures in different angles - wide, close up, different aperture, exposures, speed, black and white and in color - some we care to archive in our memory, others we discard, others we highlight as worth reviewing from time to time.

Such was the case for me just last week. I was in line to fill up my  vehicle at a multi-bay filling station. There are two pumps per bay and I was behind a pick up truck at the second pump where a car in front of it was at the first pump up front. A young black man by the pick up truck was pulling out his wallet to start the self service transaction.  However, I noticed him go back inside his truck.  The car in front of him had just pulled away, having finished its fill up. Then I realized the young black driver started his truck to move to the now empty slot vacated by the car in front so I could pull into the second station.  I could have waited.  That young man who clearly did not have to do what he did just proved that every now and then  from all the droplets of ordinary events that make up the human experience, one of them does sparkle from time to time.  It sparkled so brightly I thanked him twice and a third more just before he finished filling his truck.  I wanted him to know I noticed what he did. He just smiled and waved as he entered his truck. The other driver at the next bay noticed it too and said, "That was mighty nice of him".  

You see, it was not necessary for the young man to move his truck. I, and anyone in my place, would not have faulted him if he didn't move his truck. Anyone would have just  waited.  By the way, I could not have gone around his truck because there was a barrier between bays.  What he did reminded me of one of my favorite quotes that also became the title of one of my musings, about people doing things beyond what is necessary.  The quote was, "For kindness begins where necessity ends" (a quote from Novelist Amor Towles)

After my fill up I proceeded to the grocery store nearby.  I was smiling at everyone coming out of the store.  I felt light and good about life. I was literally looking at everything around me through "rose colored glasses".

Some may consider the quote a little too naive but most  agree that it says more about looking at life more positively or maintaining a positive view of the world despite some of the gloominess that one might see. "Rose colored glasses" are what optimists wear. Dark glasses are what pessimists use inside a movie theater to watch, "It Happened One Night", in black and white that starred Claudette Colbert and Clark Gable - an old romantic-comedy made in 1934 - because they thought it was a horror flick.  Optimists are wont to watch the colorized version of "It's a Wonderful Life".

Seriously, studies have shown that those who engage in hobbies like gardening, growing plants or building things generally have a positive outlook in life and who do well  when faced with adversity.  I guess folks who expect a seed to sprout and grow into a plant one day or look forward to a flower to bloom or for fruit to ripen must have a positive view of the present and the future.  Otherwise, what is there to look forward to?  That was the message of "La Vie en Rose".

Rather than go through more words from the idle mind, you may listen to both the original French recording of the song.  Try to immerse yourself in the time of post-war Europe. That's the first link below.  Just copy the link and transfer it to your search bar and click. You can skip the ad when prompted.  The second link for the younger generation is one sung by Lucy Thomas in English and lyrics shown in close caption.

By Lucy Thomas (link below):

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-yI3bOKIZKk

By Edith Piaf (link below)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qPU8mENUBXk