We Can Drop The Rubber Balls

The facilitator for the once monthly support group for Parkinson's caregivers spoke about an article she  read a while back. She couldn't recall who wrote it but she brought it up when one of the spouses broached the subject about how best she can prioritize  her day-to-day schedule as a caregiver to her husband. The article was about, "what if life were a juggling act". Unfortunately, there was little discussion done on it and the group moved on to other subjects.  Soon the hour was over as was the exercise designed for those with Parkinson's in the next room.

At home later, after a quick online search, I found the article: "Work-Life Balance: Juggling Glass and Rubber Balls",  By Anna Baluch  (Updated on September 25, 2019). She wrote about a speech made by Bryan Dyson, former CEO of Coca Cola, at a commencement ceremony at Georgia Tech in September 2019.

The speaker closed by explaining what is now popularly known as "The Five Balls of Life".  

Mr. Dyson's message ran as follows: "Imagine life as a game in which you are juggling some five balls in the air. You name them—work, family, health, friends, and spirit—and you're keeping all of these in the air. You will soon understand that work is a rubber ball. If you drop it, it will bounce back. But the other four balls—family, health, friends, and spirit—are made of glass. If you drop one of these, they will be irrevocably scuffed, marked, nicked, damaged, or even shattered. They will never be the same. You must understand that and strive for balance in your life.”

Mr. Dyson was speaking to new graduates.  The message was profoundly appropriate for those about to face an entirely different kind of world as they "commence" life after college in the real world.

It should still resonate with everyone in the midst of their career or growing the business they started, if not more so.  It is or should be a critical consideration actually.  That drink or two after work with co-employees for the sake of camaraderie or sociability that has now become almost a daily occurrence must be quickly identified as a rubber ball. One must drop that ball once it  gets in the way of juggling the (other) glass balls. The obvious health hazard of a DUI, not counting the long term effects on the liver, the inevitable shattering of marital bliss by the last proverbial straw brought on by the now  once too often episode of coming home to a cold dinner that is still on the table that was painstakingly prepared by a spouse now too tired to even start an argument is one of the harsh realities of an unwillingness to drop the rubber ball, erringly construed as work related or required.  Mr. Dyson who himself reached the pinnacle of the corporate dream made it clear that work (and all work related) is a rubber ball. 

But what about those of us of a certain age when work (employment) is now a memory; retirement, hopefully, is blissful and affordably comfortable for body and mind? Well, not really, of course, because retirement cannot be dis-associated from living.   Nevertheless, let's just say we enjoy it and certainly more preferable to the daily grind of waking up to the alarm clock each workday morning, the commute to and from that one place we refer to as the compulsory place of home away from home.  Okay, so now let's just say we're  at a place where morning coffee can be made to linger for the better part if not entirely all of the morning. Let's say that.

Alas, we find we are still juggling balls in the air. Yes, because juggling balls in the air is pretty much a permanent chore we  have not completely gotten rid of even at a time when the accrued interest for the price of living longer is coming due every time we are reminded that growing old is a prerequisite to long life in this world . A world that is getting more complex even for those of a certain age, perhaps even more so. Oh, yes indeed, it still is. Like everything else, juggling is easier for some, more challenging for others if not nearly devolving into an exhausting predicament.  Not just physically but emotionally for those who live alone. And when not alone, juggling must be compulsory  when giving care to a companion - a loved one. That is what the lady in the paragraph was alluding to when she broached the subject that made the facilitator mention the article.

We find juggling different things now; those of us of a certain age, I must add.  There are good ways. There are wrong ways of going about it too.  The lady caregiver who brought the subject up has every reason to be stressed out.  You see, from my own personal experience, the male caregiver will have a much easier time adapting to doing the groceries and cooking and household chores than for a wife caregiver to do what used to be do-it-yourself chores of home and vehicle maintenance, and so many things well within the purview allowed for and  relegated to the male culture.  I am not saying this to sound sexist but simply to just say that traditionally male roles are less adaptable with women.  Take cooking, for example. While at home cooking is the domain of the wife we know that chefs at restaurants are predominantly males (a mystifying but undefinable phenomenon).  The same is true for dishwashing if one must observe behind the scenes of most restaurants - 80% of the dishwashers are men; so, why should that be so beneath us retired husbands when it comes to helping out in that department?  Doing a grocery run is about buying stuff.  Men are just as proficient at buying and shopping. So, it is not a big leap for the husband but clearly not  a given with the wife knowing what's wrong with the car or fixing a simple faucet leak or knowing what an Allen wrench is.  Okay, I'll stop with that because I think I have successfully presented a balanced argument so as to preclude any obligatory apology later on.

I personally feel that the transition to caregiving role has not been that terribly difficult for me.  It began with a sincere realization on my part that for the decades past from the first day to this day of our married life my wife had made many sacrifices of her own, too lengthy to detail each one here but taking care of the children and quitting her job when she was most needed at home while making the household budget fit with my ability to earn in the early years of our lives in a new country and culture, and keeping the house neat and clean every day were no small feats to have accrued for her a lifetime of one irrevocable credit balance on the big accounting book. Her sacrifices counted more than I can ever match despite the challenges associated with doing (only) some of what she used to do. And where many she is able to do she still insists on doing them.

Upon retirement I followed the sage advice to take up a hobby.  It was not difficult because I already had one all along so all I did was pick it up from the level it was while I was still working except with a little more drive and enthusiasm later. But when all is said and done it merely replaced going to work but less restrictively or compellingly so. Woodworking is an easy rubber ball to drop while caring for my wife as she deals with the burden of Parkinson's is a precious glass ball never to be dropped. I picked up swimming a few years before retirement for health and fitness.  These days it is to stay fit for the two of us because more than just as a personal goal, it is so I can be there - able to take care of her as well as myself.  But my swimming is not a precious glass ball because it can be dropped from time to time in consideration of my wife's condition. Swimming, therefore, is one tempered glass ball that can be dropped without breaking.

Most people, retired or still employed, can juggle more than five balls in the air, but they may find that the diminishing returns the extra balls may bring are not worth it.  I think Mr. Dyson hit on just the right number of five balls. Readers of this blog, you be the judge, but what is really important is recognizing which balls to drop, which precious ones to keep in the air at all times.

Always remember, with no reservations or doubt that when called for, We Can Drop The Rubber Balls!

"Learning To Dance in the Rain"

From an unlikely place one would expect to find a morsel of wisdom, I found  one posted on the wall of the auto service shop I go to for an oil change.  It is not even on a frame but on an 8-1/2 by 11 piece of paper, already yellowed with age, thumb-tacked to the wall.

I've been going to this auto shop for almost three decades now because it is located near where we used to live and for the two honest gentlemen in the auto repair business, if you can believe it, who ran it.  And this shop works only on one brand of vehicles exclusively. We've since moved  to another home over 15 miles away but I still go there for routine maintenance service because my wife and I continue to own vehicles made by the same automaker.  

As to be expected there had been some changes at this shop. First, one partner retired about four years ago. One of the senior mechanics bought the partner's share of the business. Last year the  older partner also retired and sold his share to the same mechanic who is now the sole owner.

The new owner and his wife now have two grown sons. The wife quit her old office job to help run the business.  The used-to-be all male office not only has a feminine touch now, there is a computer and printer and new furniture.  The wife catalogued customer data where  she can now retrieve all the information based solely on the license plate the same way that big franchise auto dealerships do.

I needed to go through the short narrative as a way to put some context to the quote above. The framed quote is just one of several - most are funny quips - that now adorn various sections of the office walls. Except for this one, all others are in  simple frames but this was the quote that caught my eye.

 "Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass but learning to dance in the rain."  

I was going to ask the wife why she picked that quote to be posted on that wall but she was not working that day. To pass the time while waiting I thought, or speculated, about what the quote must mean to the new owners - the former mechanic now owner of the business, the wife who now runs the front office. I imagined they had their share of stormy days of working for a living and raising those two boys well into adulthood and taking over a business in midlife. That quote must mean a lot to the couple.  I won't know until the next time which would be in a few months or 3,000 miles later on the odometer, whichever comes first.  Anyway, my imagined version of their story would be as good a facsimile of their real-life journey.

I assumed the quote was anonymously written.  What I found later through a quick search was interesting.  It turned out that framed versions of the quote are commercially available. Many  are anonymously presented and a few have an author ascribed to it. Vivian Greene - "is a visionary, artist, author and entrepreneur who spreads her messages of greater love and awareness to everyone on the planet.", according to  her Facebook intro - is credited for having written it.   

I encourage the reader to look into Vivian Greene's extraordinary life.  For me it is enough that she wrote that quote and her advocacy for young children around the world is commendable.

The quote will mean different things to different people.  Is it just another way of saying, "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade"? A quote that is also considered anonymously written, although Dale Carnegie in 1948 did say something similar.  Or, is it not just another way of encouraging positive thinking?

We have all gone through all kinds of storms throughout our lives.  Not the literal storm but as metaphorical manifestations of life's trials, challenges, relationship and emotional issues that seemed insurmountable if not paralyzing. Of course, as is often the case, since you are reading this, the storms you've been through did indeed blow over and you managed to survive them.  Sometimes, the storms were just made up of incessant worrying over something or many things that simply went away after some length of time had elapsed. Truth be told,  most of what we worried about never happened and there was not much we can do with those that did, so why worry at all?

There are instances, of course, where the storms are real. A failed relationship, loss of a loved one, a dead end job or worse a job loss, an illness, and so many other  unfortunate circumstances are a few we can cite.  We can wait for these kinds of storms to pass and they could or might blow over. However, if all we did was wait, the storms may linger in place to strengthen further or bring even more rain. On the other hand, if we merely waited for it to blow over and it did, was it not the thing to do?  

Or, there is another way - a more proactive, even productive way - which was perhaps what  Ms. Greene meant. Accept the circumstances that brought the storm, take shelter at the storm's peak and temporary ferocity, then go out and learn to deal with the rain; learning to dance in the rain is a powerful analogy of how one may cope with the challenges.

At the loss of a loved one, we take the time to mourn; allow for a moment to be angry at a failed relationship  at the storm's peak. The loss of a job will always feel like a failure but it must not be treated like the end of a career so one must allow for time to pass, but not for too long.  In other words one must not wait for puddles to be completely gone or for the ground to be thoroughly bone dry before stepping out. It seems like I am throwing in more analogies but  the quote can be a compelling guardrail to guide us along life's journey when encountering and coping with stormy days.

What about those born in the daily storms of abject poverty, or abuse and neglect, in  an inescapable environment of hopelessness and despair?  We hear and know of extraordinary individuals who managed to unshackle themselves from the grip of the daily storms and drenching rain.  For sure those who learned to dance in the rain must have been fortunate to have learned it from others who loved and cared for them. 

From one of the interviews, Vivian Greene answered when asked if she has any children with, "Yes! I even have some to spare for you! I first began in the early '80's with Foster Parent Plan which had about 200,000 children in the program. Then it was $22 a month to support a child. Today it's called Plan International and has about 55 MILLION children. Isn't that incredible?"

"Plan International is a development and humanitarian organization based in the United Kingdom that works in over 75 countries across Africa, the Americas, and Asia, focusing on children’s rights."

This is why I enjoy writing these musings because I often begin from somewhere, such as staring at that 8-1/2 by 11 quote on the wall of an auto shop to invariably end up somewhere else.

Actually, it did strike a chord for me personally after my wife was diagnosed with Parkinson's two years ago.  That was one unexpected storm. Six years before that she had to go through a lumpectomy on one breast.  Two big storms indeed.  Fortunately, long before I discovered this quote at an auto shop, both she and I had somehow learned to dance in the rain.  Not well at first and then as life goes on we try to cope as best we can and keep learning new dance steps as called for but we must keep dancing. 

As I've written in one of my earlier musings, the ticket price to living longer is to grow old plus the inevitable surcharges of aches and pains and the stormy visitation of an unexpected diagnosis followed by drenching rains. That's when we need to learn to dance in the rain.

 

  

 

 

 

Intersections and Divergences

Mundane human experiences, extraordinary events that shaped and reshaped the world, ordinary moments along the path each of us takes everyday, and so on and on, are a series of intersections and divergences. Individually, that is life. Collectively - for the  families, communities, entire nations, all the regions of the world that can be summed up, made of and  ultimately viewed as a landscape  of a woven fabric stitched by intersections and divergences -  it is  the fate of humanity. 

Meanwhile - the future being what it is, unknowable - known history has time and again failed to teach. Not that history was a bad teacher but because man had always steadfastly refused to learn from it.

July 13 in Butler, Pennsylvania, an event occurred that was both an intersection and divergence  almost simultaneously. We can take the politics out of it for a different kind of approach beyond partisanship because this takes us to the inevitable realm of fate, faith, free will and the unfathomable questions, "What if, or what could have been?" or "Do we have a choice in the end?" The depth and breadth of the question is hard to grasp. But we try, anyway.  Let's see..

It is only fitting then that we keep politics out of this musing because what matters most will transcend beyond that and the present circumstances. 

I was encouraged to write this after I noticed a scattering of interests in readership lately of my previous musings, such as, "Year 2113", "2019 Flashback ... 2099 Predictions", "The Rise and Fall of Empires",  "All The World's A Stage", "USA, Don't Try To Be Argentina",  "MAD-deningly Unthinkable Road to Megiddo" - almost all about the past, except for "Year 2113".

Perhaps, the reason is some of the readers' concerns and trepidations about what is going on around the globe  today; the Middle East in particular.

Let's take a quick look back at certain events in history as we try to grapple with "What if?", or "What could have been?"

Alexander the Great died at 32 at the height of his power who planned to keep going after his empire had spread from the Balkans to today's area where modern Pakistan is. The cause of his death that followed days of excruciating pain is still being debated today by historians.  Did he die of natural causes or was he poisoned? Whatever the reason was, history was forever changed.  It was the beginning of the end of the once mighty Greek empire. But what if Alexander had gone on to live another ten, fifteen years? The world historical landscape may look different today.   

Alexander hastened the end of the Persian empire but did his abrupt exit ushered the birth of the Roman Republic and the creation of the Holy Roman Empire?

One undisputed assassination was that of Julius Caesar by conspirators right on the floor in the middle of the Roman Senate. That definitely changed the trajectory of world history as well as the beginning of the end of "The glory that was Rome". 

The assassination of Archduke Franz Ferdinand of Austria led to the first world war in 1914 that brought to prominence for the first time the military power of modern Germany.  But that was not the end of the story because in just one generation after its defeat, a re-invigorated and more powerful Germany launched itself into another war - WWII.

While personally directing military strategies at his bunker, Hitler survived the famous assassination attempt with a planted bomb, by a group of German military conspirators disillusioned by the conduct of the war. Actually, Allied military strategists, according to some historical analysts, were against any plans to assassinate Hitler because it was best that he stayed alive and in direct command of Germany's war effort because he was actually terribly inept at prosecuting it.  The fear was that if he was killed during the middle of the war, a more competent general or some other German leader in his place could have conducted the war more effectively.  While that was  unknowable, it was true that close to 350,000 British and French troops at Dunkirk were rescued because Hitler refused to deploy the dreaded Panzer division to finish off the retreating Allied forces in 1941; almost all of those troops rescued later went back through Normandy to liberate Europe. When the landing at Normandy was under way, no one dared to wake Hitler up from his sleep for permission to reposition the same Panzer division to thwart the invasion at its early stage. We are again left with, "What if, what could have been" questions. 

Less than a century earlier in the new republic and soon to be an emerging superpower that was America a horrible event occurred. The country's 16th president was assassinated on April 15, 1865. Abraham Lincoln was pivotal in the conduct of the Civil War.  We ask again, what would have happened to America's story if he went on to finish his term and got re-elected? Unknowable. 

"On October 14, 1912, former U.S. President Theodore Roosevelt survived an assassination attempt .. the bullet lodged in Roosevelt's chest after penetrating Roosevelt's steel eyeglass case and passing through a 50-page-thick (single-folded) copy of his speech.."

"Theodore Roosevelt had ascended to the presidency on the assassination of William McKinley in 1901, serving the remaining 3 years 6 months of the term, and was then elected to a full term in the 1904 presidential election. He refused to run for another term in 1908, in accordance with the tradition established by George Washington.."

He decided to run again, four years later in 1912 because he was not happy with William Taft whom he endorsed earlier.  Woodrow Wilson won that election, albeit by a narrow margin over the fractured candidacies of Roosevelt and Taft.

What if JFK's assassination did not happen and he finished his term; what if he was re-elected, thereafter? What about if RFK was not assassinated and won.  Two presidents in a row with last names Kennedy? Imagine what America would be like today.

Those are twists and turns and "what could have been" in history that make us wonder whether the fate of the world was shaped by a handful of intersections and divergences that even today continue to unravel. Or, is our "future history" already inevitably set either by prophecy (beliefs via religious adherence) or through the consequences of man's actions or inactions.

Let's have one more quick look, then we go to the intended thesis.

On March 3, 1981, barely months in office after the 1980 election the previous November, Ronald Reagan was almost killed by an assassin that rendered his press secretary, James Brady, permanently brain damaged and two others injured. It turned out Reagan almost died from his injury.  Now, had he died he would not have been able to make his famous speech at the Brandenburg Gate in West Berlin six years later where he famously said, "Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall!"  That speech precipitated the re-unification of both East and West Germany and the subsequent breakup of the old Soviet Union.

Intersections and divergences from events during the several decades  that followed brought us to where we are today. 

We have Russia trying to re-constitute its status in the world.  It was only a matter of time when a new leader would emerge, longing and pining for what used to be the old empire called the USSR.  The aftermath of the end of the cold war, the slow disintegration of the USSR for a decade or so that followed is now one bloody effort to put it back together. After Crimea, Vladimir Putin went for the biggest price.  He invaded Ukraine.  

While the west is busily saving the environment by curtailing the use of fossil fuel, Russia is using it to prop up its economy and finance its military while holding  western Europe hostage.  China, now a 21st century economic giant and arguably a military power, has in its best interest to secure a steady source for oil and an ally at the same time. Iran and its unwavering hatred for America and Israel became the inevitable third leg in the triangular Russia, China and Iran alliance. That is one powerful alliance that seems to have eluded notice and concern from the West, for now anyway,

Meanwhile, Germany, reeling from an economic downturn, is also finding ways to make alliances that (a) secures a reliable source for oil; (b) hedges its reliance from NATO (deemed untested, even unreliable in time of need) by going into a separate economic/security "arrangements" with Turkey and Syria. Both middle east countries have strategic seaports at both the Mediterranean Sea and the Black Sea.  Turkey is Europe's gateway to and from the middle east while Syria's oil will not have to go through the Suez Canal or the Persian Gulf (perilous Strait of Hormuz).

Why are these intersections important? Are these the precursors to what I referred to in, "MAD-deningly Unthinkable Road to Megiddo"? Indeed, why the concern for the middle east? The last two world conflicts, WWI and WWII, began and ended in Europe, with Asia in the second war a collateral participant when Japan allied with Germany. Of course, regional conflicts before and after had gone on for centuries where the so called theaters of war had no boundaries.  The Mongol invasion of Europe was cut short and stopped abruptly in Hungary upon the death of Ogedei Khan, son of and successor to Genghis Khan - first ruler of the Mongol empire.  

As I mentioned three years ago in an earlier note, "All the world’s a stage, And all the empires of men  merely players"; "They have their exits and their entrances". {borrowed from Shakespeare}

The middle east could be the final theater of war, man's last and final lesson because either we have at last learned or there is no one left to engage in any more battle. 

This next upcoming war is inevitable.  It will make all previous conflicts pale in scope and severity. But like all the previous conflicts during the last one hundred years, there will be signs of the tightening tension but we cannot know when it will snap.  

Iran is using its proxies to harass Israel, it has renewed its pledge of hatred against America, and it is awash with cash from oil revenues to fund its campaign. Its ability to acquire nuclear weapons is now enhanced by its alliance with two nuclear powers - Russia and China. Germany has made its strategic alliances in the middle east and if NATO fractures, it still has the option and ability to engage the European Union into a military alliance, free of influence from either the U.S. or Britain.  The U.S., England and the British Commonwealth (Canada, Australia, etc.) will remain tight with Israel.  

Using the 3-elements of combustion analogy we have  the Russia/China/Iran alliance; Germany/Turkey/Syria; U.S./British/Israel bond and along with each would be the other nations taking sides with one or the other two. If that happens the conflagration will be huge.

Antisemitism will escalate; there will be economic upheavals; food and resources shortage will occur; political instability will take place regionally. It will add fuel to the overheating tension.

Are those the players of the new world stage?  Will the unthinkable happen?  What significance, if any, can we attribute the intersection and divergence on July 13, at Butler, PA  to March 3, 1981 at the Hilton in Washington DC to the Brandenburg Gate in West Berlin six years later to  the world stage at some future date? The premise is neither here nor there outside of those who believe and whose reactions on July 13 and March 3, 1981 echoed the words, "providential, miraculous". Undeniably though, we know the U.S. is still very much a player in the world stage and the elected leader who will lead it will have a pivotal role.

We could easily run out of answers everywhere we look, except from the ones that we always fail to learn from.  When we run out of answers we are left with what was written centuries ago - history as written by man and the Biblical messages written for all of humanity (The book of Revelation, in particular).  It is a personal choice that I leave the reader to search on his or her own terms.