We all have them. And when we allude it in this manner, "He has his moments", or "She has hers", we can mean it to go either way through the corridors of praise or annoyance.
But there is no getting around it, our memories are made up of moments. Everyone's entire life is made up of slices of space and time, each slice a moment.
We can be thankful for our moments. Though sometimes we prefer not to have them. Our animal friends only have a handful: fight or flight, not too hungry, fully sated or craving, cold to a shiver or hot to seek shade and shelter, desire to mate or to flee with and to protect the young. None too complicated. None too complex.
We, on the other hand, have a plethora of countless moments. Few so simple, all others so complicated. Most don't come to us singly, some a concoction of many. All at the same time. What do we make of this and what ought we to do?
Over time at particular points in our lives we've learned a thing or two about what moments to remember, what to discard, what many others we'd soon forget with dispatch at the time they happened. So many different moments we can set aside, except perhaps for the two I choose. Moments of sadness and those of joy, or happiness. All others, I think, are between those two, in many flavors or degrees of glee or distress.
Moments of darkness lead us to seek and appreciate light. As soon as we perceive the coming of dawn, the graying of a once pitch black horizon, hope is awakened, buoyed in anticipation of a pale orange sky, followed by bright yellow - the inevitability of another morning.
Think back on all the moments that you remember. The happy ones were good and wonderful, yes! Good moments are what makes us to want more, better than what we've had so far. Sad moments make us more thoughtful of a loved one lost, perhaps, or a friend or co-worker down on his or her luck.
Sad moments at a setback or failure hit us hard but because one believes that it is not the fall but how one gets back up that is a lot more significant than a quick high-five over one success. More successes were had by those who viewed their failures with sadness at first. Then they turned it around to propel themselves to overcome. Soon they realized how much more capable they were of achieving far and above the ones they failed at in the beginning.
Sad moments. Those I remember well. It was our first December in this country. We had just moved to Houston the previous month of November, having left New York and the family of my wife's sister and their parents, to start my job here. We had no car - I took the bus to and from work - because I didn't have enough credit history to get a car loan and no credit card company would approve my application to have one. We were new immigrants.
All the happy moments of getting our Green Card to come here just months earlier, the flight, the awe of New York, were all forgotten then. We did not know anyone in the huge city and we had no friends, no relatives nearby. On Christmas Eve. I rented a car for the two days on the eve of and on Christmas Day. We went to the mall but all we did was sit and watch all the happy people around us. We didn't shop. We couldn't. There was not enough money. It was the saddest Christmas except that our entire family of four were together.
My wife had second thoughts about emigrating, almost regretting the whole idea, because it was she who wanted to venture out of the secured and predictable life. It was her original application to the U.S. Embassy. I resisted at first because we were happy and comfortable in our homeland. Why move when we had everything going so well, already seven years into a career I liked; with two young children ages five and six? I asked.
In the midst of those sad moments when even my wife was distressed by our situation, I reassured her that not only were we going to stay, we were going to make it and we will do well. I did not base it on any concrete guarantee or reassurance but knew we had to do the best we could and I had to work the hardest like I've never had before so no other Christmas like that ever happened again. Those sad moments made me discard every negative thought and held onto everything that was right about our decision to come here. I held on to every word the Vice Consul said at the U.S. Embassy in Manila when we were interviewed early that year. He said we were a family America would welcome and he knew we would do well. If he had faith in us then I saw no reason why we couldn't believe that ourselves. Those sad moments on that December night did matter a lot more than any happy ones before and even later. Every sad moment then and later had purpose.
Fast forward to today from that December forty three years ago, I am happy to say that not only did we do all right we've achieved many-times-fold whatever were our expectations of the decision we made to come and settle here. So, even now that we are so blessed and happily living the dream, it was the saddest moments I often remember, to remind me of the fortunes we've had that countless others somewhere out there at this very moment are dreaming and seeking to have.
Remember that looking back at the last year of 2023 about to close and looking into the New Year of 2024, think not so much of just the happy days. The sad moments that come to visit with us will leave lasting memories, whether we like them or not, so we might as well make use of them because like carbon atoms that nobody wants to have are what are added to iron to make steel.
There are no sadder moments than a diagnosis we never anticipated could happen to us or a loved one; a relationship about to unravel; unforeseen major expenses; even fears we daily feel beyond our control, and so many others we'd rather they do not become moments added to our life's story.
When my wife was diagnosed with Parkinson's last year, it was naturally devastating for both of us. But I sought to peek behind the curtain of sadness and despair and saw many brighter moments. I did not know until then the untold capacities of love; I just realized what it is like to really care for someone. I did not know, for example, that doing the groceries, cooking, and even loading the dishwasher the way she prefers, and loading and emptying the clothes dryer (she still prefers to load the clothes washer herself), are chores I will do routinely and willingly with nary a moment to ask why.
I tell my wife that we do not question why Parkinson's came upon her. Instead we need to answer the question: Are we both capable of dealing with it, recognizing we've had the strength all along to sail half way from the other side of the world to begin a new life and do well. We had the benefit of having lived one life in one world, only to begin again in another - a new world with far more opportunities and advances in medical care and nutrition. These thoughts alone are enough to keep the torch of hope lit up with a steady flame to ward off the darkness.
We do not know to what depths our love and care will go toward another until we go down to as low as we can to measure it. It is by measuring to see what we are capable of which will soon make us realize we can do it.
“THERE ARE MOMENTS WHEN I WISH I COULD ROLL BACK THE CLOCK AND TAKE ALL THE SADNESS AWAY, BUT I HAVE THE
Sad moments are something we shouldn’t dwell on. What’s past is past. When I find myself thinking of an unhappy event, I say a prayer to banish it from my mind. - Yett
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