It has finally come to this most unexpected way humans have not anticipated. Actually, it was about thirteen years ago that historians will confirm as the point in our history when a widely diverse sector of the planet's inhabitants finally decided they have had enough. So it was in 2009 when the unthinkable happened but was kept from our attention. We were busy worrying about an economic downturn that began in 2008 that lasted for about two years, so it escaped our attention.
Well, this year, we're going through another economic reckoning as we speak, and we're still not paying attention.
1898 was the year when the U.S. took over the 7,000 island archipelago from Spain and held it for fifty years before granting it independence on July 4, 1946 (after WWII). Now, it can be revealed. But first, it was way back in 1907, somewhere in the southern tip of the Philippines when the idea first germinated, in the aftermath of the Spanish-American War.
The U.S. Army's 27th Infantry Regiment was formed in 1901 to serve in the Philippines. For its regimental march, the regimental band leader, G. Savoca, wrote the official lyrics in 1907 based on the tune that was the official march of the Philippine Constabulary Band which notably played it during The St. Louis Exposition in 1904.
The song was officially called, "The Monkeys Have No Tails in Zamboanga". Zamboanga refers to the western peninsular province of the southern island of Mindanao. It was there that an undercurrent of outrage begun which sparked a rag-tag group to form. It remained a secretive group for many decades. In 2009, it adopted what is now its current name. But let's back up for a bit for a little zoological detour.
In the scientific classification of living things, we are part of the Animal Kingdom. A step further down, we are in a Class of Mammals, then belonging to the Order of Primates, which is subdivided further into Humans (us), the Great Apes, made up of gorillas, orangutan, chimpanzees and bonobos, and the lesser ape - the Gibbons. The other sub order are the monkeys, lemurs and tarsiers.
Well, note that the difference between apes and monkeys is that the latter have tails; all the apes have none.
The monkeys in Zamboanga took offense to how they were depicted in the song which they declared to be a big lie. But they kept their outrage to themselves the way they had kept their cool during the previous three centuries when the country was a colony of Spain. They did form a semi-formal organization in the mid 1900's which they thought would help the country's plea for independence by forming the Delegation of Monkeys from Zamboanga (DMZ). They claim to this day that they had coined DMZ long before it was used in the English language in the aftermath of the Korean War in the 50's, when the phrase "demilitarized zone" was first used.
Why come out now? The final straw is the post-Covid but new disease called monkeypox. The DMZ has now evolved into a much bigger, diversified organization called, "Coalition of Highly Intelligent but Maligned Population", CHIMP, for short, since 2009. Operating under the radar, they influenced the United Nations and the U.S. CDC to expunge and replace the name monkeypox because apart from racist innuendos, it is stigmatizing and insensitive. Very clever. But how did they succeed?
For one, we brought this on us after over a decade of cancelling, modifying, and redefining words in the English language, often in the name of political correctness and insatiable woke-ism. We have gone way overboard by succumbing to every little hurt feelings so that everything must be softened to the constituency of marshmallow or the delicate softness of a pillow encased in silk, so as not to offend or hurt feelings of a few hypersensitive souls.
Well, chickens are preparing to document their grievances for the other disease called, chickenpox. But the monkeys are not done yet.
It was in 1835, long before the monkeys in Zamboanga were offended, when a political article was written, "It remains for the juste milieu, which are amidships, to consider whether they will not quash this ‘monkey business,’ by hauling down the rag of offence, on condition that the other shall disappear along with it.” CHIMP made it clear, in no uncertain terms, that they are appalled by referencing questionable behavior to one of their upstanding members.
What's up with brass monkeys, another thing to gripe about. Meanwhile, the organization is claiming for compensation for the trademark abuse of the phrase "monkey wrench". Additionally, CHIMP is offended by the use of "throwing a monkey wrench" as a form of disruptive rhetoric.
CHIMP is increasing in numbers and clout as they expand their membership to other species. No less than the symbol of America is speaking out.
A representative said this, "For the life of us, for the majestic symbol that we represent, we question the people's sanity and intelligence for insisting on calling us bald eagles. They continue to use the term ascribed to our general avian population the phrase 'bird brain'. Little do they know that those droppings they find on the hood and roof of their cars are strategically jettisoned to hit only newly washed vehicles". They point out that the smallest of their species, the hummingbird, is equipped with a spectacularly high-performance brain. They remember every flower they visit, calculates the interval to re-visit them when the flower has replenished its nectar. They can recognize the face of the human who replenishes the bird feeder. Without GPS and long before humans had created maps, hummingbirds for thousands of years would go from as far north as what is now known as Canada to South America on epic roundtrip migrations, flapping their wings at 70 times a second.
One bird species is really peeved. "You see, one does not have to use any modifier to our species' name to make it sound vulgar and demeaning. To be called a vulture is singularly gut wrenching. Specially when ascribed to a species that practically depends on a gut that can handle five-day old corpses. We perform the dirtiest job to keep diseases from spreading on planet earth by getting rid of all the unburied dead. We have a reason to be offended and we're waiting to have our soiled name formally changed.
"Now, now", counters another member group. "The word, maligned, in our organization's name mostly applies to our species. Snake oil is a total lie and to associate it with charlatans and con men by referring to them as snake oil salesmen is outrageous. Forked tongue is clearly another ignorant abusive reference. Our forked tongues represent our uncanny ability to analyze the environment by sampling the air for minute scattering of molecules, capturing them and swiping them at the roof of our mouth for a rapid analysis. It is forked so we can actually read the environment in 3 dimensions and determine sources of our interest left or right, directionally. The spine tingling revulsion at the sight of us is unwarranted."
Animals from "down under" have come also to seek assistance from CHIMP. One in particular is irritated by what is clearly a derogatory phrase that is of American origin. The largest of the marsupials take serious exception to connecting the name of their species to a mockery of the justice system by describing it as a kangaroo court. Along with that complaint the Australian chapter of CHIMP is also taking up the case of the Tasmanian devil. Here is a statement from their representative, "We are uniquely a carnivorous marsupial and while we take pride in being a ferocious predator, there is a creature in the West that is more aggressive and temperamental than we are, yet they are called honey badger and the wolverine is honored as a team mascot. We protest the discriminatory and unequal treatment".
From the ape family, we hardly hear much complaining, specially that a manufacturer of what has now become a popular and effective product line named it after their largest member; Gorilla glue and other adhesives are big sellers. However, their representative has this to say, "What is really wrong with the idea of an 800 pound gorilla in the room? Come to think of it, if you put one of us in that room, we are not responsible for any awkwardness created nor should that situation be used in reference to a purely intractable human problem". The not-so-forgetful pachyderm family remembers that moment when they first heard of the white elephant. "It is derogatory to our species although there is no such thing", their representative claimed. "And by the way, we are not big fans of peanuts, really. We prefer watermelons."
From the canine and feline order, although much loved and adored, they signed off on a joint petition. One group is clearly justified to rail against the expression, "dog eat dog". "We find that disgusting but what is even more revolting is that in some places, however remote and far from civilized society, we have become part of the human menu. It shudders us to think that we are man's best friend on one hand and we are a delicacy on the other. A former U.S. President even bragged he tried it once as a young man."
A delegation of cats have this to say, "It is nice to be referred to as having nine lives. It is not true, but it has not stopped some crazy humans from testing that false characterization and many have attempted many ways to test it. We are still grappling with the idea of associating black cats among us with the paganistic celebration of Halloween. Why do they keep images of black cats with witches? In America where Halloween is a huge tradition, we are maligned by their hypocritical and superstitious attitude towards us on one hand, then on the other, they brandish with fervor that, 'Black Lives Matter', our nine lives notwithstanding".
We only have ourselves to blame. Political correctness and woke-ism, the snowflaking of the youth, particularly, are all to blame.
Since it all started from a song, I include below the first two of nine stanzas of it. I understand Spotify has it in their selection. The song was featured in the old war movie, starring John Wayne, "They Were Expendable", about PT boats and their heroic Navy crew, based in the Philippines during WWII. Years ago I remember a conversation with an American veteran of WWII who served in the Pacific who remembered the song. He even belted a few bars with gusto for my benefit after I told him I've been to Zamboanga a couple of times on business, while still working in the Philippines. It is a beautiful part of the country and is a tourist attraction with key historical landmarks.
Here goes:
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