Why Politicians, Lawyers and Engineers Take Different Post-Earthly Paths

One day, Satan's assistant went up to see St. Peter at the Pearly Gates  partly to check on how things were going and to brag a bit about what's going on down below.

"Say, St. Pete, how are things here?" bantered the devil's assistant. St. Peter replied that everything was just fine and inquired likewise how things were in hell.

"Well, three months ago an engineer left his earthly existence and, to my surprise, we got him. He is terrific.  Didn't take him long to suggest improving the living conditions at the office.  I was even more surprised when my boss agreed and gave him a no-limit budget. Before long we had central AC, refrigeration and ice cubes for the staff.  My boss even has an ice cream machine now".    

St. Peter was aghast, "Wait a minute, there must have been a mistake.  No engineers go to hell ever.  There was a clerical error, for sure.  Send him up here right away".

"Or, what?" replied the devil's assistant.

"Or, I will sue you and your boss".

Satan's assistant was quick to respond, "And where will you get a lawyer?"

Some of the readers may have  heard that already but I must say no one had ever heard the sequel to it.

Many frustrating months passed and St. Peter was not able to sue. Then one day a politician died and was at the Pearly Gates  to hear his fate. St. Peter reviewed the man's life. The man, though a  politician was quite a pious human being and he was also an astute lawyer. St. Peter told the man, "You are a first boarder-line case, a politician  for consideration is rare indeed, but you can have permanent residency behind these Pearly Gates if you will do this one task for me".  To which the man readily replied that he will do whatever is required.

"I will send you to a place", St. Peter pointing downwards, "temporarily to launch a legal brief and argue the case there if necessary to get this engineer relocated to his rightful place here".  The lawyer/politician nodded enthusiastically. St. Peter added, "You bring him up here and you will both be granted heavenly citizenships forever".

Weeks passed with no news to St. Peter but by the seventh month the politician/lawyer and the engineer were at the Pearly Gates.  St. Peter, pleasantly surprised, can't wait to hear what happened.

The politician/lawyer was the first to speak, "It was overwhelming at first. As you already know, I was up against a horde of lawyers and an equal number of politicians there, arguing the case to retain the engineer.  However, dealing with all the cacodemonic red tapes and reams of paper work aside, I will be remiss to claim all the credit and not acknowledge what this engineer did to help our case".

The engineer spoke, "I was challenged when Satan the 'boss' himself paid us a visit while we were preparing our case.  He declared that, 'There is no way in hell for both of you to leave this place, specially you the engineer.  The day you  leave this place is when hell freezes over'.  Well, he obviously did not remember that I still had the authority for unlimited budget that he apparently  forgot to withdraw. With that I was able to soup up the entire refrigeration system on a hellish overdrive. History was made. Hell did freeze over".

St. Peter asked, "And just like that Satan let you go?"

"Well", the engineer answered, "I told Satan that if he let us go I will leave him the 'kill switch" with a timer for the over drive and in seven days he can turn it off. So he allowed our departure".

"Okay, but I am a bit concerned that in a week's time Satan will get to enjoy the comforts of air conditioning again", said St. Peter.

"Don't worry.  When he pushes the kill switch it will immediately trigger another switch which I had hidden nearby for a souped-up heating system I built alongside that will instantly turn into overdrive. In a few days the entire refrigeration system will self destruct, all the energy will be refocused into the heating system. Hell will be scalding hot once more".

Now, y'all know why engineers don't go to hell. 

It's just a story concocted by The Idle Mind. Not just because I am an engineer by education but because much of the progress in comfort and safety we enjoy today are mostly the work of engineers.  On the other hand, most regulations, though clearly not all, have a way to dampen certain paths to progress into slippery slopes - mostly espoused by and written for politicians by lawyers.   

There is hope.  We can start electing into office pious, kind hearted, sensible politicians with common sense who will self-limit their stay in office.  They may be rare but they're out there and each find is worth the effort to get them elected. Over staying politicians, as we speak, have all gone past their overdue shelf lives.  It's time to enforce the stamped "expiration" or "sell by" dates on them.