To Be or Not To Be

 "To be, or not to be: that is the question:"

"Now, seriously", the frog complained. "I can never be  but a frog. I wanted to be a prince from a fair lady's warm and lovely kiss but it is not to be. So, my dear old Billy, William is much too formal and too upper lip, let Hamlet's soliloquy, famous or not, remain where it belongs - bound in parchment or let its echoes be heard only by those who really understand it. Or, by the multitude who pretend they do".

"I yearn to be free of flies and slimy worms from my diet, but futility is all I have and, alas, what is there not to be but me ." Poor froggy muttered to himself in utter frustration.

Now, how about ..

Why not?

It is 2:00 a.m. A love-struck young man, stroking his chin was standing on the parking lot of one huge apartment complex.  Not too long earlier he just met the most beautiful young woman at a bar.  After a couple of drinks, they both agree to get to know each other more, somewhere away from the bar.  Since they both had their cars, the lady instructed him to just follow her and told him her address in case they got separated through traffic and  they drove off.

So, there he was, thank goodness she gave him her address because they did get separated.  But then ..

The young man can't seem to remember the apartment number she gave him. 

"2 B, or not 2 B or was it 2 D?", that was the pressing question. The poor young man was saying softly to himself, a lesser form of soliloquy, but clearly no less important as he tries to recollect freshman year, English 1, second semester.

"To be, or not to be: that is the question:
Whether ’tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles"

Indeed, what sea of troubles his night became, now faced only with .. 

No more; and by a sleep to say we end ..

To sleep: perchance to dream: ay, there’s the rub; .."

Diane Chambers from "Cheers" (reruns anyone?) said it best to explain why that young man forgot the address, "His hormones had staged a coup d'etat on his brain".

Our animal friends make no pretension about Shakespeare's odes or grammar that often borders on anachronism.

A not too hungry lion one  late afternoon as the setting sun was about to bid goodbye to  the denizens of the plains of Serengeti decided to engage in a conversation with an adult wildebeest busy re-chewing half-digested grass.

"Let me ask you something", the lion said, startling the surprised wildebeest.  "I will ask this as delicately as I can. Have you ever considered becoming a meat eater?"

"You want me to be a carnivore, like you? That is the question?", the incredulous wildebeest replied with two questions of its own.

The lion ignored the questions and said, "Well, you could be spending more time, napping, resting, eat only once in a while, sometimes just once in a week, twice at most.  Instead of spending all of your waking hours munching on grass and chewing your cud till into the wee hours. And that's everyday.  What kind of life is that?"

"First of all, I ruminate on my nourishment because I am of the species known to biologists as ruminants. Our food does not run away from us and we never hurry when we eat and least bit concerned about hyenas stealing it from us"..

"Yeah, right, and you trek many hundreds of miles twice a year to find your green pastures across rivers where crocs await and tall fields filled with hyenas and wild dogs and other inferior cats.  You go one way, come back the same way and again go through it again every year of your life", the lion smirked

To which, ignoring the lion's shallow analysis, the wildebeest continued, "Second of all, we get to travel, see the sights, our ladies give birth all at the same time before we head back when the calves are strong enough.  Despite every brute that prey on us we are still millions strong.  While you number  a mere handful in every ten thousand acres of land. You call yourself king? In your life, To be king or not to be king is what, four maybe five years tops till a stronger lion or two of them brothers come along and take your ladies? You're lucky if you can retire".

Both agreed to disagree.  The lion said, "So long for now, maybe next time we see each other we'll have you for dinner".

What a morbid farewell from the lion. The macabre parting shot, was not lost on the wildebeest.  It knew what the lion meant. To be or not to be a lion's meal, that is the question. 

"To be, or .. wait a minute!"

A young lady contemplating something about a book report on English literature 101, was pulling her hair out, figuratively speaking only, of course, and she was confused.  "Why do I have to be, or not to be? Are those my only two options? Why can't I just be like so pretty, so happy and like popular in this or that and a lot more.  To be or not to be is so limiting, so confining and so like depressingly unreal".

Unreal? Not to the chicken that was minding its own business at one side of the road when a car screeched to an abrupt stop.  A tourist got out and approached the chicken. "My wife would like to ask you a question.  She'd like to know, if you don't mind of course, if you'd cross the road, and when you get there, please tell us why you did".

"You want me to be on the other side of the road and answer your question?"

"Right!"

"Would you ask your wife to come out of the car , please?"

"She'd rather not, no. You see we are sightseeing, enjoying the scenery and then we saw you.  What an opportunity to test the  age old theory about, you know, you crossing the road and all that".

The chicken replied, "Let me quote from my favorite English poet because I think if you listen carefully, you will have your answer".

"The undiscovered country, from whose bourn
No traveller returns, puzzles the will,
And makes us rather bear those ills we have,
Than fly to others that we know not of?
Thus conscience does make cowards of us all" ..,

"And I'll tell you why I won't cross the road.  See that nice café over there on the other side of the road? A block or so beyond it is a chicken coop. I escaped from there a few years ago.  I suggest, since you look famished, you go over there to the café and you and the misses have a nice country-style grilled steak dinner. And you'll have the answer to your question there".

The tourists obliged, so the husband maneuvered their car over the other side of the road and went inside.  The tourists can't wait to ask the hostess who met them with a menu and ready to seat them. "Tell me something. Do you know there's a talking chicken from across the road over there", the husband asked.

The young smiling hostess,  said, "Oh, yeah. She is part owner of this restaurant."

The chicken from across the road had another quote she just remembered,

"When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,
Must give us pause. There's the respect
That makes Calamity of so long life:
For who would bear the Whips and Scorns of time,
The Oppressor's wrong, the proud man's Contumely ..,"

Note: Full disclosure to the readers and literary critics all, the Shakespeare quotes are real, the rest I made them all up.  I quoted the Diane Chamber's quote from memory and she may have said it with more alacrity. And no animals were hurt during the writing of this musing.