There are more cook books
published today of any subject or theme than any other non-fiction genre,
except, of course, for weight loss and exercise books*. The shelf space they occupy in public libraries
and book stores stand as contrasting altars to those who love to cook and those
who struggle to lose weight gained from... eating. People love to cook, ergo,
people love to eat but hate the extra weight gained.
Conclusion: there is a conspiracy
between the cookbook writers and the exercise and diet gurus.
Scientists - or perhaps they were
nutrition majors who never stopped matriculating and went on to get their PhD’s
in meal preparation - did a study on caloric intakes of 3rd graders and boa constrictors
(big snakes for those who skipped high school biology). They’d feed the snake with one hapless rat
and a third grader with cupcake, not in the same cage, of course, and measure
the amount of calories they consumed and expended. The procedure is too lengthy to explain here
(meaning I didn’t really quite understand the science behind the bomb
calorimeter). Alas, the cupcake has more
than twice the calories of the average laboratory rat – snow white fur, pink
eyes and as docile as a jelly fish. Not
wanting to attract the ire of PETA the rat was already dead, as if that makes a
difference, but I thought I’d mention it.
As I was watching the documentary
I concluded that it was such a waste of government grant money just to prove
why snakes stay slim and slender with nary an ounce of fat in them. Snakes are not exactly bundles of energy and
if anything they’d put to shame the most sedentary of couch potatoes among
us. So they don’t go to the jungle gym
to work out but obesity is the least of their problems, especially when one
considers the odds of them becoming a cowboy boot or western wallet first ahead
of excess weight gain.
So what was the point of all that
experimentation? Cooked and processed foods have more calories than raw ones
(rats or otherwise). That’s stating the obvious, obviously. Actually, we’re
told that man’s brain capacity increased when he discovered to cook his
food. Need I say that we’re the only
creatures who do? Bear with me as I try
to get to the point. One more thing before
I get there. Human brain, the ones we have now, is the biggest consumer of
energy of all the organs. It (all of 3
pounds) accounts for just 2% of one’s weight but it consumes 20% of the body’s
energy consumption per day.
Specifically, the average brain consumes the amount of calories
contained in about one half to one whole cup of white refined sugar, depending
on what it is engaged in. That might explain why there are no fat nuclear
physicists, cosmologists or chess grand masters. Conversely, those who watch copious episodes
of Jersey Shores or the Kardashians tilt the demographic weight distribution
off kilter the other way (just kidding).
Let me go back to some serious
discussion. So when Grog and his tribe were dining mainly on raw meat, leaves and
berries, their average IQs for millions of years remained at barely above room
temperature. One day Grog came upon an auroch (believed the ancestor of the
modern cattle) that was struck by lightning.
It was still smoldering where a nearby bush was still burning. He
stumbled upon the very first barbecue and warmth from fire. The rest is history. I wasn’t there when it happened but an idle
mind is awash with speculative imagination unfettered by evidence or fossil
fragments.
Cooked food is processed more
easily by our body and the resulting efficiency makes for the brain’s quick
access to energy. Scientists claim that
giving the brain more energy allowed for more and more sophistication in the
thinking process and as the brain gets “flexed” with more exercise it grew
almost exponentially overnight - in evolutionary terms, that is. So our raw-food-eating animal friends are
stuck in IQ plateau. But what does that
do to sushi enthusiasts and salad grazers?
The Japanese are a smart people.
They make great cars, had a monopoly (at one time) on plasma TV and
digital cameras and they write in difficult scripts and I, for the life of me,
could not understand one word when they talk among themselves. After an exhaustive research I found out they
invented the hibachi and the “Little and Big Green Eggs”, so we know they
cook. As it turned out, they eat sushi
sparingly and certainly not to the same degree that some westerners who had
taken sushi seriously, who consume more raw tuna and octopus with sake, the latter
like it were sparkling water.
Here’s the point of all these.
Now I learned from our dedicated nutrition PhD’s that food is all about having
enough to provide for growth, energy, necessary vitamins, tissue maintenance
and the pleasure of the eating experience.
All of those cited, except for growth, if you discount finger nails and
hair (for those of us who still have it), are still pretty good reasons to keep
eating even after we’ve physically matured. Unfortunately, the percentages
changed over time. The pleasure of
eating has taken over the lion’s share (pun is intended, I think) of the
reasons we eat. Of all the living
creatures we’re the ones that take too much pleasure in eating. I must wonder whether a garter snake finds as
much pleasure swallowing mice as we like lo mein. Whew, I finally found a way to get “Of Mice
and Lo Mein” in there. To be honest I wrote the title first but struggled on
how to work it into the body of the musing.
So, there!
Now we have a serious quandary.
Vegetarians don’t want us to eat meat, cooked or otherwise, and PETA thinks
there must be a way to eat meat without killing animals. Don’t they know that
plants have feelings too. Most Tibetans
think so and I believe them. In San
Francisco they don’t want their citizens to keep goldfish in fish bowls at
home. If it starts there, where does it end?
Now, cows have an ally in Chic-Fil-A whose ads feature a cow with a sign
that says, “Eat mor chikin” (except cows do need to learn how to spell). I
suspect there is a loose affiliation between vegans and PETA members but I
can’t quite put a finger to it. Full
disclosure: I happen to agree with PETA that the annual presidential pardon on
the “lucky turkey” every Thanksgiving is both silly and absurd as they question
what the turkey was accused and found guilty of to be pardoned in the first
place? I think I should stop here
because I have already managed to offend two groups, the Executive Branch of
government plus all those who give two TV shows their Nielsen ratings.
*I can’t back up these statistics but next time you’re in a book store
or public library check it out and see if it is so.
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